Summer Vacation in the middle of winter!

Now that I am back posting, I have some catch up to do - most will be a very quick overview..but our annual family trip to San Diego with the bigs and their kids deserve it's own showcase! 

Congratulations for making it all the way through - I just love my family. 

5 months in a Blink of an eye - or two!

5 months is a long time to be absent from our cyber home. It's not that there has been nothing happening. There has. Normal stuff like first days of school....

birthday's....

Christmas....

Family visits....

 

and other awesome events....

My favorite special time was watching my baby get baptized by her dad.....

who also got baptized! 

Normal life events, wrapped in the the "never" that God is walking us through. 

Reminders of all the blessings in our lives - even when the hard seems so hard. 

God in the "never" - the Finale (I hope)

When we share our burdens, the body can lighten them.

I have witnessed that (again) first hand in this season of "never"...

I am a proud person - proud of my competency, my strength, my ability to "handle" it all. (notice there's not a lot of "Him" there - although I profess to give Him the credit all the time....) so being vulnerable and sharing brokenness simply is not my best thing. 

But every time I do, I am reminded that is exactly what God want me to do. 

We "Jesus lovers" feel like when adversity or tragedy strikes us, we have to put on our "Godly mask of faith and ain't life grand because God is in this awfulness" instead of being open and vulnerable that, quite frankly, life is hard and ugly right now and I don't understand what the heck God is doing. 

We do a tremendous disservice to God when we do that.

We limit the size of His canvas for painting a truly beautiful picture of the body of Christ walking together in a world full of brokenness. For the world to see. 

If the world sees people who deny the depth of the brokenness, how will they ever understand the breadth of the salvation and the eternal hope? If all the world sees is a God who "allows" these hurts but doesn't acknowledge the deep pain caused by them, have we painted an accurate picture of a compassionate God who literally experienced all the pain a broken and sinful world causes? 

Look at your pastor's wife who lost her baby, but is walking around with a smile on her face. Be a safe place for her to cry out at the injustice of it. The pain. The loss. The heartache.

See the bible study leader whose children have all moved away and let her know that you will think no less of her if she is angry at her empty nest. That it doesn't make her less of a leader or her faith less strong.

To the ministry leader who is struggling because the expenses exceed the revenue and she is fearful of what that means, offer your shoulders to help her carry that burden. Allow your space to be a space that she can share her fears. 

We need to be vulnerable in order for others to be vulnerable with us. When my friend opens the door and sees me standing there with tears running down my face - I have given her permission to enter in and show me the love and faithfulness of God. He shines through - because I have taken down the wall. (and let me tell you - we are talking ugly cry here...red nose, snot - the works) 

We as believers must acknowledge the pain of living in this world in order that the world can see the only balm and lasting comfort lies in a Savior who offers eternal hope. That is the Savior we want to represent well. 

God in the "Never" - the Sequel

We draw a line. 

God moves it. 

We re-draw it and He moves it again. 

We are Israel - not learning and having to re-learn over and over again that God is ALWAYS faithful. Not sometimes. Not when it's convenient. But Always. 

Yesterday - our "never" heartbreak. 

Last night - our "never" blessings.

No - the kids aren't back. We honestly don't know what is happening with them. We don't know if we will see them again. We don't know.  And that is abundantly hard -and we rest in the only thing we can right now: God knows, He protects. 

Our blessing came in the form of His hands and heart uniting in ours to comfort and walk this with us. 

Within an hour of me  sharing our heartache - 

a knock at the door

a text from a neighbor

a FB message from a new friend

These simple but powerful reminders of His holy and perfect faithfulness. 

His blessings. Through the thunderstorms. 

His abundant faithfulness that we are reminded of through our "never"

"Let us hold fast the confessions of our hope without wavering;for He who promised is faithful.

Hebrews 10:23

God in the "Never"

 Writing becomes an outlet for me when life is the hardest. 

It must be something super hard to send me back to the keyboard after 5 months. 

Since Doug and I first started this adoption journey, there have been some "nevers" for us. Things that we felt were beyond our capacity. 

First -we would never adopt. 

Then, we would never adopt special needs. 

Then we would never adopt an older child. 

Never an older child with special needs. 

After our last adoption, we finally figured out that God was really not interested in our "never's. So we stopped actually verbalizing them.  But they were still there. The unspoken, unwritten "never'. (you know - the one you are thinking of right now...)

The past two and a half months, we have been involved in a suto-foster care situation for a friend of a friend. Foster care was always a "never" for us. Something we couldn' t do. But no one told that to the baby and his siblings and his mom who needed us. 

This precious child came into our home and hearts in the beginning of November at 4 weeks old. His older sister and brother joined him in December. 

They left today - unexpectedly and under very ugly and uncomfortable circumstances. 

The hardest.thing.ever. 

Our hearts have been shattered by the depths of the brokenness our family has seen in another family. We have been absolutely stunned at the failure of the system designed to support children instead be used to put them in harms way before it can help them. The tears flow unabashed today as pieces of our heart are literally missing. 

Today - as I worked through this with our kids, though, I was reminded of truths.  The truth that going to church on Sunday and posting scriptures on Facebook, and doing our bibles studies - while all important - are the easy part of being a follower of Jesus. 

Entering into the brokenness of humanity is much harder. Because not only is it so painful, it also points out our own sinfulness in ways that just studying about them can not. Walking into brokenness that is still broken when you walk out can make you feel so worthless. But God.

But God is always in the never. And nothing is ever worthless or wasted in His economy.

Through these last months, I have been at my weakest - and He has provided strength through people. Through other Jesus lovers who have cooked for me, and watched the kids, and shuttled other kids around, and found a place in a preschool, and given me GRACE for tasks not done. He has met my needs. 

He met the needs of the children through us - and while I may have to wait till the other side of this life to understand, I am standing firm in His truths. He is faithful and He is good. 

All praises, honor and glory to Him forever and ever - most especially in the hardest thing ever. 

(please pass the tissues though.....)