She's Come Undone

Pictures are worth 1000 words..

Some people might tell about the really cool tea house we visited this morning or the amazingly beautiful park and lake with the most lush tropical gardens I have ever ever seen...me - I am excited that Velcro baby has shed her title!!! She sat by herself this afternoon for almost 30 minutes playing - and then in a high chair at dinner!!! She's the best!!

Orphanage Trip

Yesterday, I made the decision to make a very long trip to spend less than an hour at the place that saved Becky's life - her orphanage. For context, as recently as 80 years ago, these places did not exist, and unwanted little girls were simply left to die - or worse. While the conditions can be described as spare at best - it is the place that saved my daughter's life - and we will be forever grateful to the staff there.


The day started with us finding out that it's not really a four hour trip but a five and a half hour trip (one way) when we got in the van and pulled out of the hotel parking lot - oh well - guess we were committed! Then, we discovered that the AC in the back of the van wasn't working (note about the weather here - think Mississippi in August - and then add more humidity & heat!). We got the SWI about 2.

The director greeted us along with the woman who had been at the civil affairs office when we got Becky. Becky looked at her, got a big smile on her face, and put the death grip on my neck. The director wanted to hold her and she refused to go to him. She wasn't stressed or upset at all - just happy to be with mom. She was also able to see one of her favorite caregivers




We were not able to take a photocopy of her file, but he told us to take a photocopy of every page - so we have that. They also had 5 additional photos of her - and let me chose one to take with me!



We visited the playroom & crib room and took some photos for some parents who are waiting to come get their babies. This was the hardest for all of us - to see the sterile & institutional conditions that these babies are living in. I had to emotionally disconnect myself from it or I would not have been able to handle the sadness and knowing that only the week before, that is where my daughter lived. The good news is that all 29 babies we saw will be adopted.
The best thing about the day, though, was when we left on the car ride home (which took 6 1/2 hours because of traffic), Becky was a changed little girl. She was engaged, played with her toys a bit (which she has totally refused to do up till this point) and made better eye contact. I think that until then she was unsure of who I was & my intention, but when I took her back to the SWI, and then left with her, she understood that this is where she belongs now.

We had another fun filled adventure day with the Velcro baby - who is perfecting living up to her nickname! Two of our families went today to visit their SWI's - leaving us with Josie and Lia's family. We began by visiting an architectural/historical museum. It is a recreation of a traditional southern China family home -

Our group for today - Josie's in the stroller, I've got Becky & Joel is carrying Lia (who apparently heard there is a tiara up for grabs in the Miss Velcro pageant and has entered the competition!)

This is a god who guard the door of the home - and I am not sure what Destiney is trying to do...maybe give him a run for the money
The girls today.....
and the guys (plus two babies!)

After we got back to the hotel and tried t0 rest (an afternoon nap was not on Velcro baby's agenda), we took her down to the pool for her first swim -

She did ok with it - pretty neutral, which right now given her state of mind - is a ringing endorsement!

We are going to visit the orphanage tomorrow. Please pray for our safe travels and for the visit. I am hoping that it will bring some closure for Becky and help her with her grieving process. I am also hoping that we can visit her finding place and learn a little more about her first 14 months.

An Update on Velcro Baby's Day

Yup -that is what our travel group is referring to my daughter as - she is the official "Velcro baby" of the bunch - stuck to me like Velcro! You know - hard to tear apart, makes an ugly sound when finally separated. She is sound asleep on the bed right now.....
Speaking of our travel group - there are nine families in total. Five are adopting in Guandong Province including us - so we have all been together since Monday. The other four will join us this weekend with their angels.



We have been so blessed with the families that God has put together. There are four girls and one boy (Tara - I've decided Moli's out for Michael - he's reserved for Becky!). We are having a blast. Lia's parents brought their two other children - who are in 6th grade & 3rd grade - and we are really enjoying them. Joey (the 6th grader) has become the official dinner blessing guy - and does an awesome job! The other toddler also has a sister - and the Lord has already knit them together as sisters - it's amazing how the baby has taken to her big sister.



We've been birthing these families together - and having a blast doing it. Watching Michael give his mom her first unsolicited hug today and the joy on her face was as close to heaven as you can get with your feet on the ground. Josie is our resident glee baby -Here's Josie & her mom with us waiting to finalize our adoptions on Tuesday

This morning, we all went to the Six Banyan Temple. The monks were conducting a prayer service for the earthquake victims. After that, they did a blessing ceremony for the babies Becky & I missed that - we were on the bus having a meltdown - I guess she is the Lord's baby and just didn't see the need for a Buddhist Monk's blessing! Never the less - it was a beautiful place


We are here with Nicki - one of our guides. She will be going with us to the orphanage on Friday. She is also the one that told Destiney she should bargain when we went to the pearl market after the temple - and I think Destiney did the bargaining for all the families!

A longer Night

The first night I had Becky - it was easy, bottle, lullaby's 5 minutes of rocking - down at 8:45 pm up at 6:30 am. I thought :this is going to be easy - I can do this " (all you moms can stop laughing right now!).

Last night she was up pretty much all night - would not let me out her down & would only sleep in my arms. About 1 am, I gave up and she slept with me (or should I say on me). Today has been do whatever it takes to get her to eat.....

She clearly is her father's daughter and struggles with change. She will not let me put her down (diapering is a real adventure!) - so I guess she is bonding with me (or I am just the necessary evil right now!)

I will post more tonight - if she will let me put her in the crib to sleep (but first - I will take a shower!).

I am head over heels in love with my daughter today - tears & drama & grief and all.

A long Day

It's about 3:30 pm here - and we've had a long day! Becky slept through the night fine - but I am afraid she may not be a morning person! We had to be ready to leave at 9:30 for the civil affairs office to finalize the adoption for the Chinese government.

It was a fairly easy process - two perfunctory interview & done.

This document I am signing is the adoption agreement making Doug & I her parents!


This was at her happiest today.

After we finished at the civil affairs office, it was off to the super store (their definition of super store is very different than ours - Walmart it wasn't). We needed clothes - since I only brought two sets of 9 month - and we have now peed through both of them...diapers...see note on clothes (note to Al Gore - I am all for saving the environment, but he can keep the chlorine free diapers - or hold the baby while she leaks through them!)..and formula - since she has absolutely no interest in eating anything off the spoon. About this time - she had enough. She threw her bottle on the floor (it broke) and went into fussy mode (which I discovered today precedes meltdown mode).

At lunch ( our guide does not have children & doesn't understand that lunch reservations are of no consequence to 5 children under the age of 2), I did get her to sleep for about 30 minutes. But - back at the hotel - it was meltdown mode. After half a bottle (she threw that one too when she lost it - but I was smarter this time - it was the plastic one) she then screamed for about 20 minutes. I finally put her in the carrier and she whimpered for another 30 minutes before succumbing to sleep. Honey - she & the dog can share a room - because she snores like Sailor when she is exhausted.

She is asleep in the carrier right now - which accounts for any typos.

I am more in love with her today than yesterday.

Please pray for her - I believe that she is really grieving her loss right now. While we know that this is a trade up, all she knows is everything she knew is gone. She is still very subdued and reserved - I think she is very concerned about all this and holding back - but God is gracious and He has it all under control!

While She sleeps

Now that the bottles are washed, clothes are picked up, and baby is (finally) fast asleep - I have a minute to record and reflect on a most extraordinary day.


We started the day doing a little shopping and trying to work on Destiney's passport problem - but the consulate is closed for Memorial Day - so what we really did was shop! We got some neat little things, and the morning passed relatively quickly. I had a real peace about me all day today - and was never really anxious or worked up; I think mom & Destiney were more outwardly nervous than me!


About noon, some terrible thunderstorms rolled in - ones to rival any midwest summer blowout - thunder, lightning, really horrible winds that blew the palm trees sideways! It delayed the rest of our travel group - and they never even got a chance to come to the hotel before meeting the babies. Our guide called us about 2:15 - and we went over to the civil affairs office and they would meet us there. We got there about 3 - and before the rest of our group - and there were about 5 families (with other agencies) and their babies. There is a small room off to the side - and we looked in & could see Becky sitting on her nanny's lap!


We got Doug on the phone - and then I paced around - but only for a couple of minutes. God had mercy on me - and even though the rest of our agency group wasn't there yet, they let me have her! She came to me with a little reluctance, and while she looked very overwhelmed - she never cried or got upset. It was amazing!




We all went to dinner with our babies about 2 hours later - and they all did great. There are 5 babies right now - 3 littler ones & 2 2 years olds. Becky liked being at dinner more than she liked being in the room before dinner. If I put her down at all - or even sat down, it was melt down time. She was very tired - and hadn't eaten since about noon.

She is very tiny- the 9 month old clothes are just a tad big on her. She has four teeth (that she's let me see) but given the teething sympoms - I suspect more on pretty imminent. She is fascinated by colors and by the second lullaby - was fast asleep in my arms. I am head over heels in love!


She is sleeping now - like a perfect baby. I am on my knees tonight praising God and thanking Him - for a beautiful daughter, a loving husband and the best big brother & sister that this baby could ever ask for. The Lord has blessed us in a way that we can not imagine - and if you doubt that God is present or you question His goodness & sovereignty - all you need to do is look at the pictures of today - He is the great I am!

Introducing Becky

I could write a book on the events of this afternoon, and when I don't have a squirming baby on my lap - I will at least give more details...but for now - I know you want to see her - so her she is - our daughter!!!!

With her nanny before we got her......

more pictures to follow later - we are in love!!!!

Something for the stalkers

Hi all - I know there are some stalkers lurking out there - so I thought I would toss you a tidbit!

We are in the hotel waiting - 4 of the 5 families flying in to Guangzhou today from Beijing are delayed a bit - so we are meeting them at the civil affairs office. Please pray for these four families - they are probably very stressed - there have been really bad thunderstorms here today with a lot of lightning (no fun to fly in at all) - and they won't even have a chance to check in & use the potty before they get their babies - appointment time is 3 pm!

It has been so cool to be here at the White Swan today (even without Becky) - just seeing all the other families with their babies. It's also cool to know that so many of those of you that I love have been here before with Kate, Moli, TobyAnn, Caroline, Karys, Eliana and the rest of the china beauties - makes me feel like part of the club (FINALLY!!!)

Next post I'll be a mommy - tee hee (I still giggle about that - me, a mom!)

New Picture of Becky

This is a photo taken of Becky about 2-3 weeks ago - how sweet is she!! Thank you so much to Carol and Brad - you gave us a special gift with this photo!

What an Amazing Day!

We had the most amazing day in Hong Kong yesterday! To truly understand how awesome it was and how God had been working, I have to go back to our original flight plans made about 3 weeks ago that had mom & I flying right into Guangzhou with Destiney taking the train from Hong Kong & meeting us at in China.

About 2 weeks ago, that flight (the perfect flight in my world) got cancelled. I was ticked - I couldn't believe that God wouldn't allow this perfect plan to be executed! After much griping and a lot of research on the part of our travel agency & myself we found an alternative flight - but it would require that we stay overnight on Saturday night in Hong Kong - so that's what we did.

About a week later, I received an e-mail from a woman, Carol, who had seen a post I had written on the yahoo group for Becky's SWI. She had adopted a daughter from the same SWI about 9 years ago, and had just returned from a homeland visit to the SWI with her family. She told me that she might have some pictures of Becky from that visit. She also told me that she & her husband & daughters lived in Hong Kong (!) and he was a pastor at the EvFree church in Discovery Bay (!!). How cool! We arranged that mom, Destiney & I would take the ferry over to DB on Sunday morning and attend worship at their church!

It gets better - when I told Destiney about this, she had said God had put on her heart to do some kind of ministry (besides being with me!) while in China. Destiney is an amazing worship leader with an incredible musical gift. I sent an e-mail off to Carol about Destiney offering to help in the worship at church (it was Monday) for that Sunday. We got an e-mail back from the worship leader Nadine, who invited Destiney to participate with the team that Sunday. As it is the fourth Sunday of the month, there is a group of Filipino domestic workers who lead worship - and they were practicing on Sunday morning before the service instead of the time usual after services the week before!

After 4 hours sleep (ouch!), we took the ferry over, and met Carol & Nadine. Destiney went to practice, and Carol, mom & I looked at her pictures from the visit. Some I can't talk about right now (I will post after we get home about them)- it is too emotional & hard to talk about. BUT - praise God she did have at least two of Becky!!!

We went to service, and to say it was a blessing would be so inadequate. Destiney sang with the Filipino workers - who have one day off a week, and chose to spend it worshipping the Lord. She also did the offering song - and so many people were so ushered into the presence of God by her gift. The sermon was awesome - how often do we as adults get to really talk about Jonah! We went to lunch afterwards at a great Thai place- and just had a marvelous time!

What a wonderful way to start this adoption travel trip - with a mom who walked this exact path that I am taking today 9 years ago and to sit with her & her daughter today and see how God has powerfully moved in their lives

We then travelled by train to Guangzhou -where Destiney almost got rejected at immigration! It seems that her passport photo is too light and they couldn't verify it was her - so we are off to the US Consulate this morning to try and get it straightened out or she will "have trouble" when she tries to leave!

This afternoon - I think we 'll go get a baby!!!

Hong Kong

We arrived into Hong Kong late last night - they are a model of efficiency in that airport! We landed 15 minutes early, and had cleared both customs and immigration within about 30 minutes after de-planing! The folks at LAX could learn a thing or two from them!

We got to the hotel - and met up with Destiney!! She had made it here about 8 hours earlier, and was comfortably settled in to the room - having eaten, swam, showered and just generally relaxed. We all got a few hours of sleep (just a few) and are off to the EvFree church in a hour. We have a travel day - a cab to the ferry, a ferry to Discovery Bay where the church is, a walk to the church, a train to Guangzhou - hope there's no movie in the making!

I will post this afternoon (with pictures - and maybe a video if the computer cooperates)!

Leaving on a jet plane

I am having trouble describing how I am feeling just hours away from leaving. Everything is done (praise God!) and we are packed, and the house is clean, and the fridge cleaned out. I am physically ready to make this journey - and so that only leaves me to deal with the emotional issues surrounding bringing this little person home in two weeks.

Over the past 24 hours - it has been a series of "this is the last time we will do _____" without a baby. Last night, as we were leaving our favorite Italian restaurant, Doug told the owner that the next time we were there, it would be with our daughter. Even though the process has been almost three years in the making - and you would think we have had plenty of time to get prepared - the reality is just now beginning to hit us - we are going to be parents!

For Doug - this will be the fourth time he has become a dad; yet this time, the process has been so different. No physical changes for his wife (ok - maybe a few more wrinkles & gray hairs!), no listening to the baby's heartbeat, no doctor's appointment to see the ultra sound - just one wife leaving and one wife coming home with a daughter.

For me - I have had every worry every pregnant mom has ever had - and then some. Yet I am comforted by the love of a husband who is a great dad - and the love of a savior who birthed a love for this child in my heart, who adopted me into His family, and who has set the stage for an amazing journey of faith, hope & love.

Thank you to everyone who has called this morning to pray for us - and who are praying now. Our flight leaves at 3:15 pm PST - and we arrive in Hong Kong Saturday night 11:00 local time.

Love to all!

Are you ready?

I have been asked this question by every person I have talked to in the last four days - and even though I am leaving tomorrow (YIKES!) the answer is a resounding "no"! I am not ready physically - I am not packed, I have a list of things to do still, and I was very sick Sunday, Monday & Tuesday and am still not feeling well (so adding a doctor's appointment to the list for today). I will faithfully go through the list & get it done!

I am also not ready emotionally - part of the struggle to get ready physically is that I cry - a lot - right now. Songs make me cry, sad or happy stories make me cry, praying makes me cry - and thinking about Becky, and how her little world is going to be rocked so dramatically makes me cry. Thinking about her pain & confusion, my heart breaks for her. I know - and we all know - this is better, but she does not. Please pray for our little girl this weekend - that God would prepare her heart for the change that is about to happen to her.

In all this - I am excited beyond words - I can not believe how the Lord has so powerfully worked in our lives to bring us to this moment - a moment that is filled with awe at His mightiness and power, a moment that is filled with unspeakable love for my husband, a moment that is filled with joy for my parents as they welcome their first grandchild home and a moment filled with God's love for us - His adopted children.

Earthquake Update

Hi - we received this from our China Case manager - if you are looking for a way to help out in China or wondering how you can help us celebrate our gift from God, she has included a link to our agency foundation website where donations are being accepted to 100% help the victims of this devastating event in our daughter's birth country

Dear China Families,

As of today, the death toll from the earthquake in China is 32,477 (confirmed by body counts), 220,109 injured and over 35,000 are still missing. 5 millions people are homeless. Thousands of people are living under temporary plastic tents on the streets. The lacking of food, water, very basic medical supplies is enough to break your heart, let alone the children who are crying for their parents whom they will never find and see again… The impact of this earthquake and the number of ordinary people affected are beyond my imagination…

I am asking you to please keep these people in your prayers/thoughts and to help in any way you can. If you can skip a value meal at a fast food restaurant, a fancy drink at a Starbucks, or go without your favorite smoothie today, instead, to donate that amount to the newly made orphans and affected orphanages, your effort will be greatly appreciated. Every dollar counts. All donations are tax deductable. CWA has set aside an account for the quake relief through CWA Foundation if you wish to donate through us. CWA guarantees that every penny will go to the affected orphanages and children. You can simply click on the link below and it will guide you step by step. It is easy and secure. I never ask people for money; but this hits home too close and my heart breaks every time when I read a story or see a picture of the condition/situation in my birth country; especially the vulnerable children…

http://www.christianworldfoundation.org/chinaquakerelief.htm

Just remember anything helps. Thank you ahead of time for your kind heart and your generosity.

Travel Praises

We have so many travel praises! First, Destiney got her visa this morning!! The Chinese Consulate was giving here a really hard time because her name wasn't on John's travel orders for the army. She had to get a special letter from the Army that stated she was supposed to be there with her husband! We are so grateful to God for clearing the path for the expedited letter she needed!

Then - our original flight to China had been cancelled about 10 days ago. It was - in my mind - the perfect flight for mom & I. It was non stop directly into Guangzhou - and at the right price. It took three days & much searching, but we found an alternative flight; however, we have to go through Hong Kong & stay overnight in Hong Kong. Not perfect, but it would work.

Well - about a week ago, I received an e-mail from a woman off the orphanage board asking me if I would check on some donated items she had given to the orphanage when she was there last month for a homeland tour with her 9 year old daughter adopted 8 years ago from the same SWI. In the course of her e-mail, I learned that she was the wife of a pastor living in Hong Kong pastoring the Evangelical Free Church there - the same denomination we attend here! Through a continuing series of e-mails, we are going to join them at church on Sunday - and Destiney will be participating with the worship team!

I just love how God's perfect plans are so much better than mine - all the time!

Washington DC

We had a great opportunity to spend four days in Washington Dc last week. Doug has an annual meeting there he attends, and I always tag along. Matt came with us this time. After a bumpy start with two cancelled flights on Saturday, we finally left Sunday morning, and had a little time with our good friends - Harry, Will & Kate and their mom and dad! We were disappointed we got cheated out of a day because of the flight problems - but we had a great time being with them. Dave & I went to high school together, and the older I get , the more I appreciate those friends that have known me forever and still love me. There is something irreplaceable about that time together.

It was then onto Washington DC - where I dragged Matt around to every monument and museum. We covered about everything a person can cover in 3 days - and then some. I won't bore you with too many pictures - but here is a representative one - just imagine this pose in front of the Washington Monument, the Lincoln Memorial, The Jefferson Memorial, the US Capitol....you get the picture!

Earthquake Update

From Half the Sky
We have just a little bit of news. There have been hundreds of aftershocks, one reported to be as strong as 6.0. Children have again been evacuated from the Chengdu institution. Relief workers have arrived in the epicenter, Wenchuan. The Ministry of Civil Affairs (this is the ministry that HTS works with and also the agency responsible for disasterrelief) has been unable to reach orphanages in the most affected areas: Mianyang, Zitong, Deyang and Aba. There are other welfare institutions in the affected areas but no others that house children. Each of the four institutions above houses about 100 children. We believe they will need help. We will continue to watch and wait.

Shelly (on one of the Yahoo 2006 LID groups that I belong to) posted this beautiful prayer for China - please offer it up to God tonight

Just thinking of all of our children in China and the horrible earthquake and how they must be scared... Praying for all of our sweet little ones in China, their birth families, foster families, orphanages, and workers who care for them. Praying for God to send rescue teams, aid, assistance in all forms to these provinces that are suffering. Praying for all the Panda families that are traveling with their little ones right now - open a way for them to get to GZ - give them planes to fly on and trains to travel - be their guiding light in the midst of these dark days - help them home and surround them with your loving protection. Be their refuge and strength in this present time of trouble. I pray for their babies' transitions into their forever families - may this time be a time of much clinging and loving. Give them peace in their hearts that their mommies and daddies will protect them and keep them safe. Protect the orphanages from structural damage that might be unseeen - please God protect your children from harm and those that are hidden - uncover them. Those that are injured - heal them. Those that are dying - bring them life saving help! Pour out your love on China for she is hurting with overwhelming suffering. Our hands are not there to help -but our hearts cry out to you to do immeasurably more than all we can ask or think to ask.

Earthquake In China

As you may know, Chengdu China suffered a devastating earthquake yesterday afternoon (overnight our time). The earthquake happened about 500 miles north of the town that Becky is in. While the news reports are still coming in, and information is very scattered, there has been an update from Half the Sky - a US charitable organization that supports the chinese SWI's. Here is what Half the Sky is reporting from the SWI's in the affected area's:

We have received many emails and calls about the terrible earthquake that struck Sichuan and Chongqing yesterday. We have reached the three orphanages where Half the Sky operates programs: Chengdu, Chongqing and Yibin. All is well. At each place, the children were all evacuated until the tremors passed. The buildings suffered no great damage. And no child was injured. We will reach out to other welfare institutions in the province today. Should we learn of any problems or earthquake-related needs, I’ll post another note.

While we praise God that these children were spared, please pray for children & their parents who are suffering right now - our hearts are heavy today for the people of China.

What we will do in China

We received our in country itinerary today - it is getting more real by the moment! The schedule doesn't reflect a trip to Becky's orphanage - but we would really like to do that. It is a long trip, so please pray that God would work it out.

Itinerary for the family who adopts Ji Ai Lan (2007/03/24)
May 24 Arrive in Guangzhou by CZ328 at 19:00, stay at the White Swan Hotel
May 25 Zhujiang River Cruise
May 26 Meet the child in the afternoon
May 27 Registration and Notarization
May 28 Applying for babies’ passports
May 29 Sightseeing the Six Banyan Temple and shopping for their babies
May 30 Sightseeing the Liu Hua Lake Park
May 31 Sightseeing the Bai Yun Hill Park
June 1 A free day
June 2 Physical test and photo taking, and getting passports
June 3 Visa application at 09:00am
June 4 Pick up visa
June 5 Fly to HK by CZ301 (08:30/09:30)

Weekend Showers

This past Saturday, my wonderful friend Tracy hosted a lovely baby shower for me - she did an amazing job and the day was filled with fellowship & celebration (and some wonderful and thoughtful gifts for Becky!)

My very cute friend Tracy; she & her husband Jeff are very special friends of ours & we love them so much!

Just a sampling of the lovely friends I have

Generations - my grandma, me, Ashlee and my mom...just missing one of the girls!


On Sunday, Lisa and I hosted a baby shower at my house for Tami - who is expecting her second baby the beginning of June - although we think she will have the baby much earlier!