Thankful for the Sacrifice

Today, on "thankful Thursday", I could go on & on about my husband, my children, my friends, my material comforts, my answered prayers or the host of other blessings in my life. But really, I can't. Because today, two thousand years ago, my Savior began the long road that would lead to my salvation. He took my sin to the cross and suffered unimaginably so that I could be reconciled to my God, my Creator. He undid the deed Adam did. One man saved all. That is what I am thankful for today especially.

When I think, really think, about what Jesus did - FOR ME - it breaks my heart. That someone so perfect, so pure, so holy, would become stained with all my unworthiness, my sin, my brokenness, because He loved me. He gained nothing, except me. And I'm not worth the pain. From tonight until Sunday morning, there is a darkness and a heaviness in my heart as I remember HIs act of sacrifice.

Joy will come in the morning-but for now, there is no light.

I want to suffer with Him - to somehow acknowledge that in some small way I "get it". That I appreciate (such a small & inadequate word) Him climbing on the cross for me. I want to cast my eyes solely on Him for the next few days - to be reminded of His sacrifice and thus His love for me. Easter is a season of celebration, but the celebration is only meaningful when kept in concert with the sacrifice. The resurrection means nothing without the crucifixion, and all too often it's all too easy to forget the suffering and sacrifice and just celebrate the gift.

It's also all too easy to think it's someone else's really ugly sins on that cross - and that it's not my gossip, or self centeredness or controlling behavior (yes my friends - need for control is a sin), or ugly thoughts, or complaining, whining and general unpleasantness that carried Jesus to the cross.

So I will remember this year till He is Risen on Sunday - every time I want to check my email or facebook, or eat a snack or sandwich, or check my friends blogs - I will turn away from those things of the world and turn my eyes upon Jesus as He suffers and dies for me. It's the least I can do.

Helping Daddy?

Early this afternoon, after church and lunch on the back patio, I came inside while Doug picked up with the girls "helping him". He also was going to hose down some of the furniture.....guess what else got hosed down?

It all worked out ok - the patio got cleaned & the girls did too!!

Birthday Dinner

The birthday celebrations might have been more taxing on the mother than the birthday girl..which is why it's taken tow days to get this post done! After the pre-school celebration, we went home and tried to get some rest - and then it was on to the "grand finale!"

Becky is blessed to share her birthday with one of her favorite people in the entire world. Paloma turned 12 on the day Becky turned 3 - and it seemed only fitting that we should have a joint celebration. So we packed up the presents, cake & balloons and ventured out to Old Spaghetti Factory.

The birthday girls....

Uncle Doug with one of the birthday girls!

Daddy and Katie

Adding mommy to the mix...

And it was on to presents! Becky's kid party was a "no gifts" affair - and I was really pleased with how that went. I think we will maintain that tradition going forward - she loved getting cards from her friends, and truly their presence was her present!

BUt - she does love her gifts, so the family came through...

One of the highlights for everyone of the birthday dinner was that Tia Annie joined us! She's been gone WAY too long...and it was nice to have her back!

She, of course, came bearing gifts....

including these darling headbands!

We have spent the last two months in what we jokingly (sort of) refer to as the "princess de-throning" process here. So this gift from mommy & daddy is a little contradictory....

but too cute to pass up!

"My royal subjects (aka - all of you people) let me just thank you for a wonderful birthday celebration! It was no less than I deserved - but I am very grateful to all who sent me good wishes!"

A joint cake - I think that Becky & Katie are just now recovering from all the sugar they consumed during the birthday marathon!

We had so much fun celebrating Becky this year on her birthday and it was so joyful that I almost forgot that for someone half a world away, this day probably brings up so much pain. When I stop to reflect on the gift this child is to our world, I can not forget that for another mother far away, there is a void that will never be filled. I pray that her birth family would have peace, and I mourn just a little that they will never know this very special gift of God - they will never hear her laugh, or appreciate her sense of humor and her teasing spirit, never hear her sing or cry or pray.

I love that I get to watch her grow up. I love that God has chosen us to shepherd her into a little girl and then a young woman, and that He has entrusted us with her heart. I feel so undeserving of this honor - and I can't wait to see the plans He has for this very amazing child..oops - I mean princess!

Birthday at Pre-school

We celebrated Becky's birthday at her pre-school this morning. I think she prefers a tiara to a crown.....

The disappointment about the crown is quickly forgotten when presented with the cupcake....

"Even though I'm three, I'm still not big enough to unwrap my own cupcake - a little help, please.."

Becky and her fan club - fans only because she provided the cupcakes & balloons - but fans none the less!

More to come - we are only have way through the day!

Happy Birthday Becky - Breakfast!

Good Morning America - it's Becky birthday!!!!! She got to use the "Today you are special" plate for breakfast this morning!

Wordless Wednesday - Sweet Sisters

School Daze

Under the best of circumstances, the first day of school for your child is hard on the momma. In my circumstances - it was worse than hard. Katie started school today in the special ed pre-school. We have an amazing team working with her. We are in awe of how quickly we were able to get her tested and approved and assigned to a classroom. We are incredibly grateful that she has a teacher who has had beyond believable results with kids. We are sure that this is the best possible situation for her. We know that God has provided in a special and blessed means - and we are so thankful.

Yet, I cried all the way to school. I cried as I drove away. Every doubt that could cloud my mind came crashing in around me. I questioned whether this was too soon - whether she is attached enough to me. I wondered if she would be scared - afraid I wouldn't come back. I doubted my judgement, sanity and competence as a mother.

I also joined a club today that I would - quite frankly - not be a member of. Those parents that drop their children off at the special ed entrance - with the short buses and handicap ramps. Those parents who wonder every day how their child will handle all that the world throws at them - whether they will ever be a "normal" kid. Those parents that are always a little more tired - but also a little more filled with a special joy and love that comes from loving a special kid. They have a language all their own - you need to know the code to get in, and often times there is no getting out.

But - I also saw today that most of them wouldn't leave this club if they could. The kids are more joyful than you can imagine. More lovingly than most husbands to wives. More kind to one another than I have ever seen kids. The teachers and aides are committed - fiercely so. There is a layer of devotion from the parents, staff and teachers that is missing elsewhere - and it is precious.

I don't know if we are permanent members of this club - but for now, for such a time as this - the Lord has provided the right place for us.

(and ps - Katie had a great first day - but boy...did she come home tired & now is very cranky!)

Hello Birthday Week!!

Long ago, I figured out that Birthday Week was better than just Birthday day and this is a tradition I am passing along to my daughters (with apologies to their future husbands!). Wednesday is Becky's birthday, so we kicked it off on Sunday with a party for her friends at Gymboree.

Play time at Gymboree - it's a great opportunity to burn some energy & have some fun!

Becky's family very engaged at the party ....ok...not really

dinosaur leaves turned into dinosaur tails!

Becky knows how to bug sister - and it's to ignore her - and Becky gets a big kick out of it lately, so there aren't too many opportunities to get a picture of them together!

bubbles, bubbles everywhere - for those who don't know, Gymboree has the best bubbles on the market - they hold together well so the kids LOVE them -

love that Gymbo the clown!

"we want cake, we want cake!!"

the main event...

sisterly help

finally.......

Ryan and his best girl mommy!

Very pretty Kailee with her very pretty mommy!

TMany thanks to our favorite Gymboree teacher Miss Katey!

Stay tuned for more birthday adventures!