The Odyssey - Part 2

Because the first weekend of this adventure required us to be in Chicago, and the second weekend we have a commitment in New Jersey, driving from one to the other seemed the right thing to do - and since we would be passing about 45 miles from Doug's hometown and his favorite aunt & uncle, a stop was in order.

We showed the girls that this is where corn comes from girls - not the grocery store! I hate to admit this, but they were amazed and fascinated by the corn fields (we need to get out more!) 

Doug's cousin hosted a WHOLE bunch of people on Monday night after working - we so appreciated her hospitality. I can't host that many with several weeks notice on a weekend - 

No mistaking they are related....

Room to run....

Doug's cousin Angie adopted a sibling set of 7 five years ago and then more recently a sibling group of two - 11 kids, all adopted into our extended family. I love this picture of lives redeemed  

Cami and her 2nd cousin Tiffany (the oldest of the set of 7). They became fast friends and it totally warmed my heart to see them together. As they grow, I hope they nurture this relationship as they share some unique history in our family. 

Besides family, Doug & I both got to each see a friend who is super special. Doug's college buddy drove up from Dayton to spend Monday night with us. He's a pretty amazing guy - trauma surgeon, ER doctor, Air Force officer, super smart, fun 

(Yes....I am looking for Miss Wonderful for him if anyone is interested!) 

On Tuesday night, my dear friend Lisa drove down. She actually came down earlier on Tuesday with all her kids (a lot - I think at least 7 or 8) so they could play and swim,  but they then went home & she and I shared a lovely dinner out. Together. Just us. No kids. 

We actually took this picture Wednesday morning; we looked much nicer on Tuesday night, but were having so much good talking time, we forgot to get a photo! 

It is at this point in the odyssey that Doug departs us, back to the safety and security of home sweet home. Next stop - Cornwall, NY! 

An Odyssey

We embarked upon an odyssey of sort last Friday - a 10 day trip beginning in Chicago and ending in New Jersey. 5 different hotels, 1000+ miles and many, many friends! 

It all started when my best friends from 100 years ago (maybe not quite that long - but sometimes it feels like it!) planned a party to celebrate her 50th. She was gracious to her fair weather friend and did not hold it in Chicago on her actual birthday in March, but instead selected a lovely weekend in June! Perfect! 

The weather was great - and there were several us of "oldies" and one "newbie" who got the chance to honor her - a very fun night! 

We stayed with them in their house - 8 children 11 and under - what a time was had! It wasn't ever quiet - but it was fun! 

It was also the first time Doug got to meet his godson...who was very quick to figure out that ol' Uncle Doug is "the big fun guy"! 

A lakefront visit on Sunday afternoon - any idea how much stuff you have to drag with you to the beach & to have a BBQ on the lakefront with 8 kids??? 

My bestie and my godson - 

Day 1,2 and 3...a great time was had by all! Next stop on the odyssey....Ohio! 

The Legacy of Dad

I loved Father's Day and all the posts from all my friends about what a great dad their husbands are - and they are 100% right on! My husband is such an amazing dad that it caused me to want children after 40 years of declaring I never waned children (God may have had a bit to do with it as well!) 

And many of these friends will also acknowledge what a great dad they had - and I also share that sentiment! My dad was a good dad to me as a kid and as I have gotten older, he has become a great dad to me. I value his opinions (even though I don't always listen to them!) and I truly enjoy his company.

But on Father's Day this year, I got to thinking about grandfathers. A few months back, during a discussion my dad and I were having, he made the comment "your never had a grandfather around and you did ok"

My mom's dad passed away when I was 6. I have two distinct memories relating to him - one of being with him on his big concrete porch over the garage laughing and the other of my dad, brother and I sitting in our station wagon after dropping my mom at his house, and my dad telling me that mom was going to spend a few days with grandma because pop-pop had died. I never knew he was sick. I never got to tell him good bye. 

My dad's dad was a raging alcoholic - and we didn't spend much time with him. What I knew about him growing up was that he was never around, and my aunt who was a few years older than me would come spend summers with us to get away from his brutality towards her. I still remember at my high school graduation hoping he would be sober enough to come. He didn't. 

So yes, I did ok without a grandfather - but I wanted one. Desperately. 

I wanted what my girls have with my dad......

I want for my girls to feel the unconditional love that a grandfather has for his grandchildren. To experience having that presence around that gives them a feeling of security and legacy and of belonging to something that was, and is, and is to come. 

I want it for them more because I didn't have it. I have a choice. I can either look back and miss and resent what I did not have, or I can look forward and help our family break that chain and begin building a legacy for their children and the their children's children.

I choose to look forward!  

"What if" Or "Right Here"

I hate when God turns around my judgement of other towards myself. 

Really don't like it all.

Let me explain. Last night, a friend posted on her Facebook that her daughter, who is 6 and adopted 8 months ago and home that very day from a month respite care, was raging in her room because she didn't want the veggies cooked for dinner. I found myself thinking "why on earth would anyone pick a battle with a trauma kid home the first day over food?" I was "high on my horse, holier than thou, don't I know better" mad at my friend (which is horrible - she needs my love, compassion and prayers for crying out loud!). 

Fast forward in the car on the way home from physical therapy, Cami asks me "Can I have a Lunchable for lunch?" A side note here - on the RARE occasion I buy these, she only eats the meat & the rest gets tossed out.  My response "no" - knowing good & well I have two sitting in the fridge. She got upset, I got upset. The car ride home was quiet and not full of joy. 

As I drove in the quiet, I reflected - I just did EXACTLY what I was upset with my friend for doing. I put a silly meal in front of trust and relationship building. 

I felt terrible - even though my friend had NO idea what I was thinking last night, I feel like I owe her an apology and need to ask forgiveness. I am so sorry friend. 

I dug a bit deeper about why I answered the way I did. I read something yesterday on this blog that really resonated with me

Moms: The onslaught of blogs and social media outlets say "good" moms breast feed, make their own organic foods and never buy microwavable anything...especially dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets..... . The kid's birthday parties are perfectly themed down to the coordinating napkins, streamers and goodie bags. The Christmas card photo is not only flawless but is actually mailed to family and friends by Thanksgiving - a feat in itself. They spend an hour in quiet and prayerful solitude every morning with Jesus, then do their lunges, squats and sit-ups...all before the kids wake up at the crack of dawn. And they homeschool, of course. 

And if they're tired, they're weak. If they're anxious, they're unspiritual. If they fail, they're unworthy.

Please, do yourself and your kids a favor - guard your heart against the expectation of these things. These are all good things, but refuse to be defined by them.

My desire to be of the "good" moms outweighed my desire to build trust in my relationship with my kids. It took me out of the moment of "yes" and into the tomorrow of "what if"...

what if....she develops poor eating habits

what if.....she never understands that food costs money and we shouldn't waste

what if....she never appreciates what she has 

what if...she never stops talking disrespectfully

what if....she never shares 

what if....

what if....

God does NOT desire we live in the "what if" - but in the here and now. 

He desires we raise our children as Jesus would - building relationship and trust and not fighting over food. 

He requires that we trust Him to help build their long term character. 

Mommy fail on my part on all three today (and let's not talk about the fact that before everyone was out of bed this morning I had two of my children in tears over little things). 

I also think that this takes a LONG time. Much longer than this impatient and imperfect person is willing to allow it. 

I am going to use a crude example here - but I think it best illustrates my point. After a woman is raped, it can take her years before she is ever able to actually enjoy intimacy again. Why then do we feel that a child who has been traumatized by the loss of their birth parents and denial of true love for any amount of time should be "over it" after a few months or years? 

(Great read here about how trauma doesn't tell time) 

God says his timing is different than ours, so why do I insist on putting my children's healing on my time frame and not his. 

He requires that I trust. 

I think this whole trust based parenting might be really all about me. 

I hate when God turns around my judgement of other towards myself. 

Really don't like it all.

But I love that He uses the broken pieces of me to help restore my children with such loving care. I love that He allows me - broken and weary and messy - to raise beauty from the ashes of their lives.  I love that He doesn't live in the "what if" with me, but the "right here". Which is a pretty good place most days! 

The Farewell Day at Disney!

Our final day at Disney began with, you guessed it...a character breakfast! Breakfast with Minnie at the Plaza Inn....

 Mom even got into the act - I love Minnie! 

 In case you were wondering, we did actually do things besides character meals! 

All in all, it was a very successful three days! It was not without meltdowns (from two of the three) but for all the stress potential, it was truly a great trip!