My Mr. Incredible

10 years ago today, I married the most wonderful man. Neither of us had any inkling that 10 years later, we would be parenting three children under the age of 10 and expecting our first grandchild. It's probably a good thing that God kept that plan hidden from us! 

We are in the middle of a different season in our life together than we thought we would be, so there is no big celebration. No fancy presents. No exotic vacation. We probably won't even get a quiet meal together to mark this milestone. That is totally, 100% ok with us. We are together, walking in God's will - what more could a girl ask for! 

My husband is not my best friend. I have a couple of those and they are the most wonderful women.

He is not my partner-that implies a partnership, and that is something that is man created and can be dissolved. Ours  is union created by God - and can not be broken.

My husband is part of me - woven into the every fabric of my being. He is the reason I can get up in the morning and breathe-

and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

My husband - 

A man of God, first, foremost and always.

A loving husband.

A devoted - beyond your wildest imagination - father

An trustworthy leader.

A faithful and loyal friend.

A man with a wonderful sense of humor and a heart the size of China. 

In short - he is my Mr. Incredible.

Through my Tears

Would someone please tell me when she.......

....became her???

Oh sweet Becky - what a marvelous four years we have had together at home! I have taught you what I could - now it's time to broaden your horizons a bit. As you start kindergarden today and embark on your biggest adventure yet - through my tears I am cheering you on! 

A Pirate Looks at 50

Tomorrow morning, I will wake up and be a member of the exclusive "50 year old club"! It is also Becky's first day of kindergarden, and the day belongs to her.  So today, I will reflect on my big day and share my testimony. 

Many of you reading this don't know me personally, or know me recently. There are a few who have known me before I was Doug's wife and the girls mom - but not many. 

It's impossible to see the miracle of my life today without knowing a bit about where I have come from - about what God has done in my life. It's not my husband. It's not my kids.It's not our house, car or other possessions.

 It's my redemption. 

I used to be “That” woman. We all know her – the one in line behind you at the grocery store at 5 pm muttering under her breath about controlling your raging child while glaring at you with her dagger eyes.  The lady who desperately prays as you board the plane with your toddler that you won’t be near her; when you are, she gets up and insists on a seating change.

The phrase “looking for love in all the wrong places” is perhaps the most accurate description of the first 39 years of my life.  The objects of my affections were not limited to men – they included expensive cars, extravagant clothes, over the top trips and a lifestyle that exhibited an attitude that if some was good, more was better. The thrill of the moment was exhilarating if not long lasting. If I wanted something, I bought it – with no regard to the cost or the lasting value of it.  My life looked satisfying and successful and wonderful from the outside – the perfect “San Diego Magazine” cover, but inside lacked substance or satisfaction.

For much of my adult life, church had been a Sunday sojourn when life got really tough or nasty. When the activity of the previous week failed to bring any sense of peace or satisfaction, I occasionally found myself on a Sunday morning soothing my soul with the familiar liturgy of my childhood.  It was a balm that lasted a day – maybe two at best, never getting more than a passing glance.

One early summer night in 2001– after a yet another unsuccessful attempt to fill the void deep within, as I lay in bed unable to sleep, I realized just how tired I was of my life. I imagined myself crawling into the hand of God – literally curling up into a ball within His palm, closing my eyes, and asking to stay there.  I rested for the first time in a long time, giving up my hyperactive chase for the ever-illusive happiness.

I would love to say that my life was immediately transformed into one of an obedient and faithful woman of God, but in truth, I was slow to release all areas of my life to God’s guidance.  I heard His voice when circumstances found me unemployed and turned aay from the profession that I had previously very successfully enjoyed; a place where money was the God to be worshipped with confidence and conviction and I was richly rewarded for faithful service yet I refused to heed the tenant of being equally yoked – after all, what could God possibly know about being a 39 year old single woman?

I was reluctant to believe that I could truly be forgiven for all the errors of my youth – for the harmful choices I had made.  I read about being made clean and being a new creation in Jesus, but it took a walk through the Boston Public Gardens on a cold November morning to truly deliver the release and cleansing I so desperately desired.

I walked through the colorless and gray landscape as if on automatic pilot, knowing where I was going without a thought after living there for 10 years several years past. The streets and landmarks were familiar yet not. I was at home, yet I felt like a stranger.  My physical presence was comfortable there, yet my soul and spirit felt strangely out of place.  I was a different person now than when I lived there, yet the same person.

It was the most perfect example of a new creation – and it became the reality for me in that moment.  Transformed. I finally understood what it felt like to claim for myself a new life in Jesus. It wasn’t that the deeds of my past didn’t exist – it was that they no longer defined me and I no longer had to carry them around wherever I went.

I used to be a woman who didn’t value children – God’s redemption (or sense of humor) has made me the mother of 3 small children at 50.  My eyes were turned away from myself and onto the things of His heart. The transformation of my heart was so radical that it could only be through the power of something as grand as God.

My life is significantly different than on that summer evening 10 years ago.  The convertible BMW has been replaced by an aging minivan loaded with car seats.  The single first class airline ticket has been traded in for 5 seats together in coach. The personal shopper at Saks doesn’t know me, but the late night pharmacist and I are close. 

I am no longer That woman – I am now woman in the line at the grocery store with the tantruming child. I am the woman on the plane – with three children – desperately praying for grace filled people in the seats around me.

Redeemed. That's what 50 means to me

The Essence of Love

Katie - my darling middle child. Middle to come. Middle in the group of three. You have the middle of my heart simply captured.

As you started 1st grade today, you looked so darling - so beautiful! I pray for you that this year will see you continue to blossom. 

You are so smart and eager to learn.....

You are fearfully and wonderfully made - you are funny.....

....and a little bit goofy...

...and a little darling! 

You love ice cream and Lauren (and Ali and Natalie...and pretty much all your helpers!!)

But more than all those things - you are the essence of true love. You are so pure in you love for all and anyone. You have every right to carry a heart full and anger and bitterness, yet God in His wonderful and amazing grace and showered you with mercy - and you heart is full of love. You exude joy and love and forgiveness 

You fill our cup up every day with the joy of the Lord - even in the hard days for you, you find love

You live large and you love deeply

and oh those smooches!!! 

You name, "Katherine" means pure. You are, in every way, full of pure love - you are the essence of love that God has gifted into our family. 

May you have an amazing year at school and may all whom you meet be overwhelmed by God's love flowing through your beautiful soul. 

Sunday Snapshot

It's been busy here. There's been a lot to do to get ready for school, and a lot to get done before school starts. I also haven't had any time during the day to edit & post pictures, and the girls (ok-one girl) stays up into the time at night I usually do all that; therefore, I am about 3 weeks behind in the pictorial part of our life! So - I am going to cram many, many photos and very few words into this post in some sort of lame attempt to get caught up! 

A visit to Seaside Lagoon.....

 Rainbow Express week - our church's VBS for special needs kids. Katie went as a camper, and Becky and Katie went as buddies. It's an amazing week - when over 75 volunteers bring Jesus to 25 kids who otherwise would not be met where they need to be met

 (Cami getting an award for good leadership!)

 And a visit to a small local waterpark - Cami's first one! 

well......that gets me caught up through the week before last!!! 

A Response for Naveah

Recently - on this post, I received this comment:

Wow, do you feel overentitled much? You want other people to cook for you, to entertain your children to assist you in the ever-so-complicated task of getting your children off to school??

When was the last time you invited somebody else's kid to YOUR house for a playdate? Returned a call from a good friend promptly (or AT ALL)? Is it possible you are just TAKEtakeTAKING from everyone (favors and food and childcare-via-playdates-chez-not-your-house) and giving NOTHING (not the courtesy of a returned phone call or the fairly minimal effort to prepare and feed dinner to your family)??

Calling your kid your "trauma child"? Quite literally hopign others will entertain her for an evening so you can have "calm family time"? WOWZA. You're excluding her. Intentionally. Gee, I wonder why Trauma Child isn't happy to spend time with her forever family?? Because you are PUSHING HER AWAY and, presumably, expecting her response to be "Thank you for getting me out of the house Mommy! It is soooo easy to bond with you when you PREFER to spend forever family time WITHOUT me". 

I feel like I have finally arrived in the "blogging" world! You see, I have friends with blogs far more popular than mine, and they have received hateful and spiteful comments on a post before. I, on the other hand, never had been attacked by someone who doesn't know me. It sure does sting for the first few minutes. Until I see beyond it and behind it. 

I debated about posting this comment. However, because I try to keep this an honest look at our lives, this is part of it, and my kids need to know that there are people who will never understand their background, their hurt or our journey. 

My kids need to know that people feel entitled to judge our family - because of the way we look or the way we act. And it won't always be fair or accurate.

My kids need to know that even when people do this, we need to keep our eyes on Jesus. We need to stay true to who He calls us to be and that includes compassion for those who attack us. We need to see beyond our hurt to theirs. 

Someday, when they can fully comprehend all that has happened in their lives, I want them to know that we knew there was a battle going on here.....

 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lionlooking for someone to devour. ⁹ Resist him, standing firm in the faith...

There is nothing that gets the attention of the enemy more than the rescue of children into Christian homes - where their redemption is the living proof of the goodness of God and the power of Jesus!

So we will withstand the attacks, because we know that while the enemy's power is great  our God is greater. He will not be defeated - and we stand firm in that promise.

He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross. ¹⁵ In this way, he disarmed^[d] the spiritual rulers and authorities. He shamed them publicly by his victory over them on the cross.

As we walk this journey with so many faithful followers of Jesus, we have seen satan defeated over and over. Time and time again he attacks, and time and time he is defeated by the blood of Jesus. I have seen family triumph and Jesus rule. 

My kids need to know that a battle was fought for their souls - a real, tangible battle against us. 

They need to know that they are worth fighting this battle for.

 

Date Night (or Finding your Place)

We have been working really hard to get a little bit of a handle on raising all these girls and meeting the very high needs of each of them. One of the things that we are building in is "daddy date night:"

Saturday night was Cami's turns - and dad took her to an Angels game. She and Doug have a little ritual very night after the two littles go to bed, they watch some baseball together. I suspect that she cares more about staying up alter than her sisters as opposed to the actual game - but whatever! 

Anyone who has ever been to a game with Doug knows it's free time there! She had nachos and ice cream of of course cotton candy!! It is, after all, date night! 

It was a little over whelming for her, but it gave Doug a real chance to step in and provide safety while having fun - a perfect balance!! 

Daddy date night could otherwise be titled "Finding your Place". That's what it's all about right now for each of us - finding out who we are all in our new family structure. Daddy date night is a part of that process - it's about where a beloved daughter fits into her place in daddy's heart.  

So much of an adopted child's journey is finding their place- in their new home, their new country, their new community, their new church, their new school - but mostly in their new family.

This certainly has been the case for Cami as she discovers where her place is as a daughter, a big sister, a little sister, a granddaughter. It is not an easy journey as it often requires that she transcend beliefs she has held about herself. Things about herself that she has learned may not longer be true - replaced with new truths. These truths are deeply ingrained in every fiber of her being; they are imprinted in her very cell structure. They are not easily erased with a word or two. Where does she fit in?

It has also awakened that journey for Becky and Katie - who they are now in our family with a new big sister. They are navigating a change in their position in our family. It's hard for them - they did not ask to have to find a new place. Where do they fit in now? 

There is a lot of "finding my place" going on - my dad's new wife is trying to find her place in our family - a difficult task to enter into a well established and complex 50 year father-daughter relationship! Where does she fit in?

When I look at my journey as an adopted child of God, I realized that so much of it also is tied into "finding my place". My place in the world without Jesus looked very different from my place in the world with Him at my side.

Without Jesus my place was "about me".

Without Jesus, my place looked to the world for validation,

Without Jesus, my place was unsteady - circumstances in my life dictated my joy.

With Jesus - the only thing that is "about me" is how God refines me to move closer to His Him so that I may serve others. 

With Jesus - my eyes rest on Him for approval

WIth Jesus - my hope and joy are found in Him, not in the circumstances of my life.

FInding our place - where do we fit in? 

Have you had a daddy date night with your Heavenly Father lately? 

"I'm not called to adopt"

If I had a nickel for every time I have heard this from other Jesus lovers, we would be rich. Here's the thing - that's between you & God. He has called me to adopt and so here I am. I am always a little at a loss to what the right response to this comment might be. 

Recently, I have been thinking about this - and trying to find a good & helpful response. In the church world, the list looks like this:

• Pray
• sponsor
• support

These are all great things - but I think people need more specific things - more concrete ideas - so what do you think about this as a response:

"I totally understand that so since you clearly have a heart for the orphan, here's a list of how you can serve them"

• Bring dinner to our house next Tuesday night - so I can sit on the floor and play with my kids instead of being in the kitchen
• Pick up my kids from school on Wednesday and take them out for ice cream; they need to know that there are a lot of people that love them 
• Take my trauma child next Saturday afternoon and evening so we can have some calm family time
• Come help out tomorrow morning before school  - an extra set of hands would be helpful because I have three kids who each need 100% of my attention to deal with the transition from home to school
• Have your child invite mine over for a play date - she's lonely since her sister needs so much of my time; I would initiate this - but it's all I can do to hold things together right now 
• You know that family in town - the (insert name here) - they are trying to finish their fund raising. They sure could use a donation. Here's their address - 

The list could go on; the point is, there are tangible ways to help. So often, folks will say to me "we'll pray for you" and walk away, thinking that is enough. 

Of course we (adoptive families everywhere) need prayer. That is where it starts and ends. There is a battle that rages for our children's well being - and we stand between the enemy and our traumatized babies, trying to protect them. We rely on your prayers. 

We (same families) also need physical help. We need YOU to be the hands and feet of Jesus.

I know this - because when someone does something tangible like these suggestions (and we have had almost all of them happen recently) , it not only helps alleviate the very real challenges of doing this, it also reminds me that God has seen me. He has not forgotten me. He did not call me to this very hard place then leave me on my own. 

God saw my need - and sent YOU. With your meal. With your willingness to come at the drop of a hat to help calm the chaos. With the offer to drive over your daughter AND pick her up when she babysits to lend me a hand.

When you make your husband carry a box of my favorite candy bars across the pacific and hand deliver them to me. 

When you call me and stop by - just to say hi - and don't run screaming when a child rage begins but instead roll up your sleeves and wade into the pain of my kids with me. 

"Share each others burdens and in this way obey the law of Christ"

Not called to adopt - no problem. There's plenty else to do to! 

I love you because.....

I do not usually advocate for specific children. Not that I don't love these kids and want to see them in families, for I would take them all in if I could. (Keep breathing honey....I said "if I could!"). Every child deserves a home - none more worthy than the next - and there are others that advocate so much better than I do. 

However, today I am stepping out. 

Today - there is a little girl who has captured my heart and soul. 

Today - there is a family out there that's heart is being prepared (and they may not even know it yet) to welcome her into their home. 

Please - take 5 minutes to read her story

Then link to it on your Facebook Page.

Re-post it on your blog.

Email it to your friends and family. 

Pray for her - fervently storm the gates of heaven on her behalf

To do all those things will take 10 minutes. 

And it WILL bring her family to her

Do it for her who will tell you

"I love you because Jesus loves you." 

Hijacked

This post was going to be about a girl's first boat ride

 with her friends

 and seeing all the sights in hte harbor that her mom used to spend so much time sailing in.

 Instead, the post got hijacked by one of these contraptions - (not sure the technical official name) 

 and is instead filled with pictures that reflect pure unadulterated fun! I SO wish I could put the laugh track from Katie with this post - she laughed and laughed and laughed! 

 she got pretty high too! 

 next up - the cautious child - 

 who didn't get nearly as high...

 then the daredevil! 

 who not only got very high, but upside down. 

I continue to be amazed at what Cami will try - this was her idea, and while she didn't want to go first, she got up there and gave it her all. 

There might be (yet another) lesson in this for the grownups in her life!