Denied but not Deterred

Sunday in church, I was ruminating about how in this season of my life, I am solely relying on God to hold onto to me as my hands feel too full to hold onto Him.  There are those that spent time in the Word, go to bible study, attend conferences, have hours of time in prayer - and then there is me -  so busy trying to live it that I don't get to any of those things most of the time.  I miss my reflective life and times - and I know that season will return someday, so for now, I just try to hold it all together every day moving forward with my family and all the associated stuff we have going on right now. I trust that God will hold me us, guide me and hang onto me. It's not a great place to be as I feel far away from God - but it's where I am right now.

Until yesterday.

Until I was driven to my knees.

Literally.

By some devastating news.

China has denied our efforts to get a medical visa for Ai Liu. 

"No."

"Too risky" they said.

She can't come. 

I am heartbroken for her. I can not shake the sensation that half way across the world, one little girl's heart who had begun to hope has been shattered. 

It has driven me back to God as I cry out for her and for me - as I had made room for her in our home and in my heart. 

But we are not deterred. God has called to us again to truly step out in faith.  If we can't get her here one way, we will try another. We will adopt her now instead of later. It's a journey we have traveled before - the same, yet very different. We are stepping out in faith in so many ways - she is an older child with severe medical needs, we have no idea how will we finance it, we need to find a new adoption agency & home study agency and we need to do this all with mountain moving speed as she is so in need of help. 


God has my attention again. I have been drawn back in a most powerful way. I am at the foot of the cross, trusting that He will make a way. 

"Once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows what we know, and holds us responsible to act"

            proverbs 24:12