Doing What I Need To

When you hear the same thing more than once from a different person, I believe it is cause to take a step back and consider the validity of the observation, no matter how absurd it may initially seem. 

Recently, two separate, unrelated people (to one another) have accused us if having "spoiled" children. I have chewed on these words for several weeks - and have thought abut it a lot.

I don't see my kids as spoiled. They aren't walking through stores asking for "this or that. 

They don't have room full of toys. 

They do one activity each - we aren't running from here to there to everywhere for them.

They have chores they do. 

They know how to accept "no" when they ask for something. 

Didn't immediately see the "spoiled" thing - so I looked up the definition - 

to harm the character of (a child) by being too lenient or indulgent.

Nope - that's not them either. We aren't lenient & we aren't indulgent and the nature of my children's character is awesome. We lavish love on our kids and try to respect them, their feelings and their histories - but we don't indulge them...and they would be the first to agree we aren't too lenient! 

I have come to two conclusions. First and foremost -  my kids aren't spoiled. they are brave and compassionate and funny and talented and beautiful and  smart and hard working and in general - pretty awesome! 

They aren't perfect - they whine, they moan about chores and they stall when going to bed. They are kids struggling with some BIG things, but they are pretty awesome!

The second conclusion I came to was this: 

I am not defined by what others think of me as a parent, by what they think about my children, or even by how my children behave and are perceived by others. What those folks say about my kids and my parenting is more a reflection on where they are and how they perceive themselves and their kids/parents. It is not truth about us - it is a truth about them.

I am not sporting a "World's Greatest Mom" mug and tee shirt. I flip out on my child who struggles the most pretty much daily, and have been known to blow it so bad my kids tattle to our therapist on me. I make mistakes with my kids daily - and I apologize far more often to them than I am sure is healthy. 

But.

But I do what I need to for my kids. I am responsible for raising them and caring for them and nurturing them. I will do what I need to - always. At the end of the day - my children will know above all else and in spite of the mistakes that were made - they are loved. Deeply. Forever. They will not ever question whether we love them. They will know that God loves them and He is faithful and can be trusted. 

I don't know if that's enough to overcome all they have been through in their little lives - but I do know that it is the very greatest gift we can give them. 

Along with remembering to say "please" and thank you".

Many thanks to "Scooping It Up" for her awesome post on this very subject! I have been wrestling with these comments since the middle of August - and her excellent post here really helped me work through all the feelings bubbling around my already full brain!)