That Day Again

It's that day again. 

The one filled with the most confusing and contradicting of emotions.

It's her birthday. 

For three of my four kids, we don't actually know the day they were born - we celebrate their birthdays as "celebrating the day you were born" knowing it's most likely not the actual anniversary of that date.

For this one - we have a high degree of certainity about her actual birth date. 

There is confort in knowing the day.

There is joy that she was born.

There is excitement about celebration. 

There is also sorrow for the loss. 

There is wonder about the mom who birthed her. 

There is sadness for her - that she will never know how amazing this girl is. 

There is a woman on the other side of the world who brithed the most amazing kid. Her reasons for not parenting her run a range of possible options - some sad, some criminal, some hard hearted, some political. I will never know - and most days I don't give it much space in my brain. 

But once a year, this day comes. The day I am powerfully remindered that while we paint adoption as the beautiful picture of redemption and love and redemption that it is, we can never, ever forget that it is born of the greatest tradgey a child can ever, ever experience - the loss of their mom. The best I can hope for is that my girls can create enough emotional space in their heart to carry both of the conflicting emotions within their hearts at the same time. 

But we can celebrate the girl today - and all the wonderfully things go into her - her nature and her nurture!