My Friend Jeff and Why I am not Afraid

One of the oddest things for me so far in this cancer journey is how not afraid I am. I am concerned for my family and my health, but I'm not scared. I'm joyful - and it's weird, but I understand it. Thanks to my friend Jeff. It’s incredibly fitting that two years ago todat we said honored him  - tomorrow is the day I start my chemo battle. 

Several years ago,  Jeff was diagnosed with cancer. I remember so vividly getting his phone call. I remember where I was on the freeway. I remember his voice so clearly. I remember my heart missing a beat when he told me. I mostly remember how positive he was, and how joyful he sounded. I didn't get it then. He lived in this world, but his eyes were firmly fixed on his eternity in Heaven. Joy. 

Jeff died December 28, 2017. I remember the last time I saw him, just hours before he passed. I went into the living room where hospice had just settled him into his bed. I leaned over, kissed his forehead, told him I loved him. The last words I said to him were "Tracy is going to be ok". Tracy - the love of his life. HIs entire world on this earth. I had spent the afternoon going through paperwork and finances (when I worked for Jefff that was my job) and I had been able to determine that indeed, she would be. His eyes opened, and he smiled as best he could. Three hours later, Tracy called and told me he was with Jesus.  

I get it. I understand why Jeff was joyful - because I am joyful. For me, because I know the end of the story of my life, cancer is just cancer. It might be gone in 6 months when I am done with treatment (it probably will!). But it also might be the transition point to my forever home. Jeff couldn't go home till he knew the love of his life would be ok. My family will be ok no matter what because God loves them infinitely more than I do and while I pride myself are being excellent at taking care of them - it pales in comparison to how our Heavenly Father takes care of us. 

Thank you Jeff for the best reminder and for being an amazing light and example. I miss you tremendously - we all do. See you someday (but not too soon if that’s ok!)