The Here and Now

Yesterday, I talked about what I was grieving - the loss associated with the cancer diagnosis. That's all done with. While there will, I am sure, be more losses to grieve and face, I am not looking back. I choose to only look forward and be in the Here and Now. And the Here and Now is prettty great. 

In the Here and Now, I get to watch God work. This short but powerful last two weeks has seen God show up in so many amazing ways....

• In the friend I asked to go with me to my first appointments - without knowing that her grandmother and mother are both breast cancer surviviors
• Having Katie's Sunday school teacher be the insurance coordinator for my new surgeon's office
• In the ruby red cozy sequined slippers that arrived minutes after the diagnosis erminding me that my sisters in Christ are WITH me
• In the package with the cozy scarf and beautiful worhsip CD that a "not in real life but in real heart" sent me  
• The people God has sent - each with their own unique story and gift - that He has woven together in my safety net. Some of these people I didn't even know before last week, some are casual FB friends, some are people I have known but didn't know all their story.   

The Here and Now is filled with God's beauty and wonder and glory and grace and mercy. Don't miss it! 

The Used to Be

Its been too long since I've last been here. Lots has gone on - We've been back from China, did a family trip to Yosemite, had several kids change schools and someone had a ruptured appendix! I will update later with all those details and some cute pictures! 

I have always used this space to not only share our family happenings, but to process some of the hard things we walk through. Today, we are beginning a walk we aren't crazy about as a family with a cancer diagnosis. 

A week ago Friday, I was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer. I have a 2 cm mass and one affected lymph node. Surgery, chemotherapy, radiation and 5-10 years of medication are in my future. And yes - I will be here in the future; the 5 year survival rate for cases like mine is 92-97% depending on who you ask :) 

I am ok. I am going to be ok. I am breathlessly waiting to see how God will use this hard to His glory - because that is who He is and what He always does. 

I also am grieving some things that I didn't expect to be grieving. 

I am grieving the loss of always "being the healthy" one in the family. All those prescriptions I pick up every month - they used to be for someone else.  The place on the form that asks "what medications are you taking" used to be left blank. The box asking "how's your health?' used to be checked excellent. I want to be the most healthy and I'm not anymore. 

I am grieving the loss of some people in my life. As I have shared the news of my diagnosis with people, some that I had hoped would come back to me have "left the conversation". My fully functional pre-frontal cortex knows that this is all about them (as ghosting always is) but my heart hurts. I miss them and I want a chance for reconciliation and to repair whatever wrongs they feel I inflicted.  

I am grieving for my kids, who have to process "mom has cancer". They have had so much loss in their lives; the thought of more sends them to the deep dark recesses and I am grieivng the loss of their saftey and security as they process this. They know in their heads I am going to be fine - their hearts are scared, and I grieve the loss of their security. 

But God.

God will not leave me in my grief. 

He offers me the space to grieve, and the hope to look forward - that ALL of this - all the loss will glorify and point to Him. The God that used to be is still the who is the I am. 

Stay tuned....God's greatest work is JUST beginning!

Family...continued.....

This part of the China trip was solely about family - very little sightseeing or "tourist" worthy places/things to do. 

Tuesday, we went back to Becky's orphanage - or the new place that is the orphanage of the same name. She didn't get to see the place she lived for 14 months - it's gone, an the welfare institute is in temporary quarters while they find a permanent home. I felt a little disappointed for her - and I know she was as well. The woman who took us around did remember her though - and that was beginning of the greatness of the day. 

This little one was part of the joy - what a smile! She has a VSD - but one look at her told us she has Williams Syndrome - just like Julie. She was adorable - and Becky wanted to take her home....

This director was at the orphanage when Becky was there. 

This young lady was also there when Becky was there - and has an apartment there now. She makes these cool items and sells them. 

Becky's orphanage is now a Half the Sky program - and it has fundamentally changed since she was there; it's so good to see and was healing for me. 

Her hometown is known for dried mandarin products; we had tea. 

After a very full day, a walk about at the mall. The day was made so full because between the orphanage visit and the evening stroll, we were able to locate Becky's birth parents and meet them. In a totally God orchestrated chain of events laid out 4 years ago when we started the search, our searcher got a call, and we traveled about 2 hours after lunch to meet her birth family. Becky has chosen to keep the photos and details private for now - but GOD!!!! 

On Wednesday, we went back to visit Cami's foster family at the home village. What a homecoming it was

Her foster grandma was SO happy to see her. When Cami was in foster care, they would spend holiday's at the village and some weekend - and the love these grandparents have for her was evident. 

It was awesome to see a small, traditional Chinese village 

They look like they fit right in - the picture doesn't show how incredibly HOT it was there. 

The fruit - was AMAZING! 

And BIG - this might be the biggest papaya I have ever seen 

As sweet as the reunion was, the goodbye was hard 

Grandma didn't want to let go...

It was three days of foundational family; it soothed souls and warmed hearts and helped heal - well worth the bug bites, 98% humidity and 100 degree temps and hours in the car. Money can't buy the healing that happened over these three days. 

Family

It will come as no surprise to anyone that I believe blood/DNA connection is just a small part of what makes up a family. We are now entering into the part of the trip that personifies that belief so strongly it about makes you cry. 

We checked into the Garden Hotel in Guangzhou late (very late!!) Saturday night after a "planes, trains and automobile" day = that included me getting into the face of the guy at that taxi cab line and holding up the entire line until he found a car big enough for us. 

SUnday morning, I dragged the girls out for a photo opportunity - because...well....just look at it! 

This is the hotel I satyed at on Cami's adoption trip - and I think I made her take 100 photos on this bridge. 8 years later, grudgingly, I got one! 

The real beauty of the day cae when these ladies arrived. Agnes (the taller one) and BRenda were benefactors of Cami's the entie time she was in the orphanage. They live in Hong Kong and Cami lived with Agnes for several months while she had surgeries in Hong Kong. They adore her - and she them. They came up from Hong Kong to spend the day with us - such a GIFT! 

This lady is hte former orphanage director. She is likely responsible for saving Cami's life. 

Reunited and it feels so good! 

After a great day SUnday, it was off again via train to Cami's hometown to visit her orphanage and her foster family. She is totally a celebrity when she comes back - and that warms my heart. She was truly cared for during her time there. 

No one was happier to see her back than her foster mama! This lady cared for her four 4 1/2 years - through some tough times - and loves her. A lot. 

Her foster dad 

Food. Every time we get together with someone, they feed us. A lot. We are eating about 4-5 full on meals every day...

This nanny has been with Cami since the ay she arrived at the orphanage. She was directly responsible for caring for Cami the first months there and likely saved her life. She also went to Hong Kong with her when she had her surgeries. 

While no child should ever be in an orphanage, this place is top notch. When China recalled all the kids back to their orphanages frm foster care, this place was the first to set up apartments for the foster families so that kids could stay in their families. They have therapy equipment and the kids that are there are very well cared for and engaged with and help and loved on - the fruit of that effort shows in my girl every day! 

Family - taking care of one another - and always connected. 

Friends and FOOD!

Day 3 and 4 had very common themes - friends and FOOD! After my experience at cooking class in Italy, and upon the awesome recommendation of our friend Sohpie, we signed up for a cooking class at a cultural center in the hutong section of Beijing. 

It was a dumpling class - well, because - who doesn't love dumpings! 

We got there a bit early to ejoy the location - this lovely girl Sophie is just the bomb! We love her and loved getting to spend some time with her

Practicing my selfies.....

My and my favorite traveling buddies 

The center was amazing - he set up was marvelous

The finished product - we had them boiled and pan friend. We were too busy eating them to actually take any photos of the lunch experience! 

We moved from the FOOD portion to the friends portion - taking the train (by ourselves!) to Tianjin. 

We rrived in Tianjin and were met by a classmate of Cami's who lives there. I think it was pretty cool for her - she likely doesn't have many of her classmates over to her house! Of course, in the Chinese way, we went to dinner! 

Cindy and her parents treated us to a boat ride on the Sea River in Tianjin - that is a real ferris wheel in the background, and it is the BIGGEST one I have ever seen. We did not go on it - none were that brave. 

Cindy's mom took a special interest in Becky 

Breakfast at the Qin's home - SO much food - but so, so delicious! 

Then....shopping! 

This was the coolest - this man made sugar animals. As Becky blew into the thin tube of sugar, he formed it into a pig - her Chinese Zodiac animal. 

We left the market, went home to yet more food, then off for our "trains. planes and automobiles" adventure to travel from Tianjin to Guangzhou via Beijing! It was a LONG aternoon and evening of traveling, and suffice it to say the girls experienced a different side of China - the hurry up and wait in line then wait some more side!