It's been a long time since I have been in this space. I miss this space. I want to be back here, so here I am - finally with the words flowing again. Much has happened over the past six months, yet we are still in relatively the same space. That's sweet and sad all together in one, and more about that as I come back into this place.
Today, though, a lesson on my tribe.
They are warrior moms.
Not super moms. Not perfect moms. Not pinterest moms. Definitely not Pinterest moms.
Warrior moms.
We are a different sort of tribe.
We start out fighting for our children. Fighting finances to bring them home. Fighting mounds of paperwork that would make a sane person crazy but bring us a an odd sense of pleasure and completion. We fight government bureaucracies in crazed attempts to bring our children out of orphanages as quickly as possible. Fighting friends and families who "think we are crazy".
We begin our relationship fighting for our children.
We get them home, and we keep fighting. School systems and doctors offices and insurance companies. Antiquated parenting paradigms. Church structures that don't meet their needs. We fight diagnosis' delivered in ignorance and an apathetic medical system that doesn't understand our complex kids. Social workers and systems that don't fight for the children.
We mostly fight the demons that haunt them from their pasts and the scars that are etched on their hearts, minds and souls from abuse and neglect and worse.
We fight. It's tiring to be in fight mode all the time. We don't have a choice. We have learned that to let our guard down for one second can send our children into regression - educationally, emotionally, physically. We are in Defcon 4 mode all the time - because we have to be. That's what trauma does.
We fight our own demons that drive us into the dark with chocolate and a box of tissues where we cry it out, then emerge once again swinging.
We fight for our kids. For our dreams of peaceful homes. For our dreams of healed and whole children. For marriages restored. For one night of uniterrupted sleep.
We fight - and it is tiring and often unsuccessful. We are viewed as "that parent" at school - who always seems to be criticizing and complaining and arguing and who is "never happy". Our friends don't call or reach out, because we are always seemingly in the "middle of a fight/crisis". Our family thinks we just aren't trying hard enough. And our churches...well, they have lots of scripture and prayer but not much else.
We fight for them - because no one else did when they should have. We fight for them because we don't know what else to do. We fight for them becuase their lives and our depend on it. We fight because we are fueled by Jesus to stand in the gap.
To those who know a warrior mom, offer grace. and a hot meal. Let her know that you're in the battle with her - even if you have no idea what the battle is about.
For my warrior mom tribe. I love how you shine Jesus. I love how you cry in the dark for your child and then emerge stronger. I wish those who don't understand could see you the way I see you - as the strongest, bravest women I know. I pray for your fight. I yearn for the day we are all on the other side of heaven and we can lay down our fight.
We fight for them
Amen!...and thank you.
ReplyDeleteBless your family. Keep fighting :)
ReplyDeleteI'm part of that tribe and you really said it well. Only through God's blessings do we have the strength that keeps us fighting. I know that the strength I've been given isn't human. How can a single mom exist on so little sleep for so many years? How can I have gotten only one cold in all that time? How can I not have ended up on some kind of medication to numb my senses, "to take the edge off" as one neighbor put it. But that same neighbor came by with a big pot of soup the other night and on Christmas Eve, brought by gifts for all of us that were perfectly appropriate for my special need kids. Church. Yep, you hit the nail on the head. It's a little better now, but not enough to be the peaceful and joyful experience it once was so we haven't been in a very long time. It's sad, really, but necessary so I can keep fighting.
ReplyDeleteAnd the paperwork! How do you keep up with it? Hah. Keep up? How about just not get buried under all of it every week? You know, dig through enough to find the bills and get them paid, then cast the rest onto the mountain of a pile on the floor until you can get to it?
My prayers are with you all. I'm seeing the blessings now in all this and they aren't where I thought they'd be. My children's diagnoses are still hard as is taking care of them. But that neighbor's kindness sure went a long way to making me feel cared for and understood and it helped her to see how far she's come after going through this with her own adopted kids years and years ago. It's a blessing to be on the programs we are on. That's one less worry. When that one person is understanding or kind when I least expect it and need it most - that's a blessing - a HUGE one.
This fight is hard. The war is immense, the battles take a huge toll, but we are still fighting and will never stop.
I'm one of this tribe too ... fighting is sometimes hard, tough, we're so tired, ... but our children need our force, our fights to be more confident, more self confident .. You're a wonderful mom !
ReplyDelete