Standing on Holy Ground

I walked on Holy Ground this weekend. I went to a place where the presence of the Holy Spirit was unmistakable and palpable. Where the air was thick with the presence of God. Where Jesus reached out and held His children in His Hands. 

It wasn't a grand cathedral.

It wasn't an alter with a cross.

It wasn't a quiet prayer corner, a church fellowship room, the banks of the Jordan river or a garden in Jerusalem. 

It was in a hallway in a arena in Charlotte. With a rowdy bunch of groupies standing by waiting for the band to appear. 

And it was a Holy Ground.

It was also the back room of a mediocre hotel steak house.

And it was a Holy Ground. 

Holy space. Invaded by the Spirit. 

Meeting women exactly where they needed to be met. 

Speaking life and truth and love into the deepest recesses of their inner beings. 

Not based upon rules of performance, placement of icons, consistency in theological applications. 

Based solely upon the love of the Son of Man. The commitment to follow the Savior. The acknowledgment of the One Sovereign God. 

Holy Ground. 

Oh How He Loves Us. 

The story within the story

We spent some time at the end of the summer doing some very fun things and making some memories. I have been more than a bit remiss about updating our on line scrapbook, so this is a bit of a catch up post! It is also a story within the story....

Cami went to art camp for two weeks. At the end of each week, they had to present their work to their classmates and their parents. She did an excellent job on the artwork, but more impressive than that was that she was able to get up in front of people she didn't know and talk about her art work. So incredibly proud of her1 

 Becky and Katie attended "Rainbow Express" - which is our church VBS for kids with special needs and their siblings. It is an absolutely amazing ministry that allows Katie and her peer group to be "typical" kids doing typical "kid" type things! 

 There was the first day of 2nd grade for Katie - who's favorite part of the day was riding the bus to school. 

 And the first day of 1st and 4th grade for Becky and Cami! 

The all important 1st day of school after school treat with our good friend Leyna! 

We also took our some of our besties to Chinatown for dim sum and shopping (sorry for this horrible picture.....)

 And the bestest baby in the world came to visit (she brought her pretty awesome mom too!) 

 We had a beach day with Tia Annie.....at the end of September!!

 Saw Ariel on the big screen in 3D! 

And Doug & I even had a night away together...alone...no children....(please don't mention it to them if you see them - we might not have actually told them that we would be away together!) 

Lots of fun things in the last two months - and feeling so blessed when I look at these pictures for the family and friends we have to share life with! 

But. 

There is more to the story than these pictures show. You see, these photos could be of almost any family, almost anywhere. Your typical family, doing "normal" family things. 

And that is what makes them so amazing - because for many, many months (ok - for a few years but whose counting) - we were anything but "normal". "Typical" simply was not a word in our vocabulary. 

God has brought us through so much since last fall - when simple, seemingly fun and innocent events rocked our word into chaos.

Our crazy trauma train hasn't fully arrived into the train station of "can handle anything" . BUT -  we are making some stations stops at places like "can go a week without a rage" and "can have a change in plans without a collapse" and "almost normal". 

God has richly blessed us - and to Him goes 100% of the credit for the track this train is on and it's final destination! 

Doing What I Need To

When you hear the same thing more than once from a different person, I believe it is cause to take a step back and consider the validity of the observation, no matter how absurd it may initially seem. 

Recently, two separate, unrelated people (to one another) have accused us if having "spoiled" children. I have chewed on these words for several weeks - and have thought abut it a lot.

I don't see my kids as spoiled. They aren't walking through stores asking for "this or that. 

They don't have room full of toys. 

They do one activity each - we aren't running from here to there to everywhere for them.

They have chores they do. 

They know how to accept "no" when they ask for something. 

Didn't immediately see the "spoiled" thing - so I looked up the definition - 

to harm the character of (a child) by being too lenient or indulgent.

Nope - that's not them either. We aren't lenient & we aren't indulgent and the nature of my children's character is awesome. We lavish love on our kids and try to respect them, their feelings and their histories - but we don't indulge them...and they would be the first to agree we aren't too lenient! 

I have come to two conclusions. First and foremost -  my kids aren't spoiled. they are brave and compassionate and funny and talented and beautiful and  smart and hard working and in general - pretty awesome! 

They aren't perfect - they whine, they moan about chores and they stall when going to bed. They are kids struggling with some BIG things, but they are pretty awesome!

The second conclusion I came to was this: 

I am not defined by what others think of me as a parent, by what they think about my children, or even by how my children behave and are perceived by others. What those folks say about my kids and my parenting is more a reflection on where they are and how they perceive themselves and their kids/parents. It is not truth about us - it is a truth about them.

I am not sporting a "World's Greatest Mom" mug and tee shirt. I flip out on my child who struggles the most pretty much daily, and have been known to blow it so bad my kids tattle to our therapist on me. I make mistakes with my kids daily - and I apologize far more often to them than I am sure is healthy. 

But.

But I do what I need to for my kids. I am responsible for raising them and caring for them and nurturing them. I will do what I need to - always. At the end of the day - my children will know above all else and in spite of the mistakes that were made - they are loved. Deeply. Forever. They will not ever question whether we love them. They will know that God loves them and He is faithful and can be trusted. 

I don't know if that's enough to overcome all they have been through in their little lives - but I do know that it is the very greatest gift we can give them. 

Along with remembering to say "please" and thank you".

Many thanks to "Scooping It Up" for her awesome post on this very subject! I have been wrestling with these comments since the middle of August - and her excellent post here really helped me work through all the feelings bubbling around my already full brain!) 

BUT GOD!

At the beginning of this week, I was not terribly excited about how the rest of the week was shaping up. I was convinced that I would spend my birthday sitting in the hospital room with Cami after her surgery - who would be grumpy and all out of sorts (understandably & justifiably) after her surgery. That it would be lonely and sad and bleak.

BUT GOD! 

Had a different idea, and at 10:00, I got a text from a friend I LOVE but don't actually spend too much time with, that she was downstairs. In the hospital lobby. Coming up to see us. 

Our hospital is about 60 miles from our house, but it almost always takes at least 2 hours to get here because it is on the other side of LA from us. If she was here at 10 am, it took her at least three hours to get her. 

She came in with smiles and bearing a birthday cake! Cami had just gotten up from the OR about an hour before, and was alert and awake and pain free and ready to party.

So we did! 

I know this was God because my sweet friend is raising trauma - real trauma. Trauma that keeps her within yards, if not feet, of her children at all times. BUT GOD - told her to get in her car and go. 

So she went. 

And stayed - all day with us. And went out and brought back lunch. 

And we all laughed and cried together. We sat and talked. We compared notes and offered suggestions and shared stories that our Saturday morning runs didn't allow in the time or space.

She came and stayed.

She listened. 

And when she got home, her house was still standing and the trauma was how she left it - not worse or better. 

That's God. 

I thought this would be the worst birthday (or one of the top 5!)...

BUT GOD 

had a different plan.

A plan to make it one of the top 5. 

That's GOD! 

Jennifer - I love you to bits and pieces! You are a beloved daughter of the King and I am thankful that He has knitted us together as sisters in Christ and friends through this journey! 

No Surprises

It has been a rough 24 hours here

• We had a no show for an interview on a replacement for our babysitter
• Doug got seated on a jury in a criminal case - tough case, tough judge...during his very busiest week of the year at work
• We got a call that Cami's graft is failing on one side - and we have to go back to the hospital. They are going to use skin from her scalp - which means she will lose some of her hair. 
• On Thursday.
• My birthday.
• For an overnight stay

All this actually happened in the space of about 5 hours yesterday.

It was not a pleasant afternoon & evening here- Lots of tears (mine & hers) and nashing of teeth (mostly mine) and general misery. 

Then - through a response to an "administrative" email I had sent, I was reminded:

I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.”

I was reminded that none of these events were a surprise to God. He knew exactly that each and every event would happen. 

• He knows how our child care issue will be handled next week.
• He placed Doug on that jury - not the judge or the attorney's - but God alone deemed it necessary to have Doug there. 
• He could have stopped the graft from failing - but didn't. For reasons He alone knows. 
• He has counted every hair on her heard - placed it there - and is allowing it to be removed. 
• My birthday. The day He ordained after knitting me together in my mother's womb. He deserves the praise and the glory - it's not about me. 

Through the teeth gnashing and tears, I lost sight of my faith for a moment. I took my eyes from the One I know is in control and put them instead on me, mine, and ours. I forgot what Jesus bought when He died on the cross. 

He bought my freedom from the worry of the world. 

I squander that gift when I gnash my teeth and shed tears over the moments of today. I do a disservice to my God - the God who loved me enough to buy that freedom with the life of his son. 

So today - instead of teeth gnashing and tears...

There will be shouts of praise and blessings and thanksgiving....

not for these events, which right now I can not actually be thankful for - but for the fact that that none of this was a surprise to God. 

In that, I place my hope, my faith, and my trust. 

(Cami and I are going back into the hospital early Thursday morning and will likely be there through Friday. My mom and step dad are changing their plans to come out and will be with Becky and Katie and Doug) 

Right Here in this moment

"Feeling a yearning" Doug queried as we sat having lunch today over looking the yacht club.

"For what?" I asked, a bit puzzled

"You know - are you missing it?" 

"No" - my quick answer and we moved onto the next topic. 

An hour later, a song came on - 

"These are the moments I know heaven must exists, these are the moments I know all I need is this" 

I realized, in that moment, just how far we have come. 

This was my life "BK" (before kids") 

(yep - that skinny girl is me) 

I got to do some pretty amazing things. It's not because I was particularly skilled at the sport but rather I had some great contacts and was running my own business in the industry. So opportunities were plentiful. To race with the designer of boats and olympic competitors and world champions. To sail from San Diego to Manzanillo on a million dollar racing boat. To spend the weekends in Catalina on 65+ foot power boats. 

Very cool. Very Fun. 

When Becky came home, I did both for a while, but God orchestrated some events that worked me nicely out of working outside the house and into working inside the house - including two more kids! 

Periodically, I still get a call to come race - but circumstances have been such that it really hasn't even been an option. While at times it has an appeal, it simply wasn't practical. 

Back to this afternoon - 

My answer to Doug was short, honest, and simple. 

It was later, when the words " right here in this moment, is right where I'm meant to be" that the reality of how very true this is for my life right now hit me hard. 

I am meant to be the mom to the girls I am the mom - not off sailing the high seas.

I am meant to cooking & cleaning and doing laundry and tending to my husband and kids - not planning great parties in Key West for racers.

I am meant to be a woman of God - pursuing the things that are pleasing to Him, not pleasing to my self or the world. 

Amidst the chaos and trauma and rage and bruises and hospital visits and dressing changes and dog pee and IEP meetings and all the other "stuff" that makes up any given day, I am exactly where God wants me to be right now - right here in this moment. 

And I could not ask for more

All the glory goes to God - for I could not have ever imagined that this would be all I could ever ask for. His plans for me were so much bigger and better than my own! 

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

Katie Goes to Camp

People criticize  Facebook a lot - about how "technology" relationships aren't real and how the connections made through the internet aren't real. 

Through the miracle of technology and the invention of Facebook groups, Katie had the most amazing opportunity to attend a week long horse camp. A friend in a Facebook group & her daughter put together a week long program for foster & adopted kids. One of Katie's amazing teachers offered to go with her to help - and viola!

Katie goes to horse camp.

 There are a lot of pictures and not a lot of words to follow, because sometimes words diminish the power of a photo. 

To say that she had a good time just doesn't do the experience justice. For a week, she got to do some things that "typical" things do. She got to experience something new and fun and she absolutely loved it. 

Thanks to my Facebook friend Christine - you blessed our family. The power of technology used for good - love it!