Right Here in this moment

"Feeling a yearning" Doug queried as we sat having lunch today over looking the yacht club.

"For what?" I asked, a bit puzzled

"You know - are you missing it?" 

"No" - my quick answer and we moved onto the next topic. 

An hour later, a song came on - 

"These are the moments I know heaven must exists, these are the moments I know all I need is this" 

I realized, in that moment, just how far we have come. 

This was my life "BK" (before kids") 

(yep - that skinny girl is me) 

I got to do some pretty amazing things. It's not because I was particularly skilled at the sport but rather I had some great contacts and was running my own business in the industry. So opportunities were plentiful. To race with the designer of boats and olympic competitors and world champions. To sail from San Diego to Manzanillo on a million dollar racing boat. To spend the weekends in Catalina on 65+ foot power boats. 

Very cool. Very Fun. 

When Becky came home, I did both for a while, but God orchestrated some events that worked me nicely out of working outside the house and into working inside the house - including two more kids! 

Periodically, I still get a call to come race - but circumstances have been such that it really hasn't even been an option. While at times it has an appeal, it simply wasn't practical. 

Back to this afternoon - 

My answer to Doug was short, honest, and simple. 

It was later, when the words " right here in this moment, is right where I'm meant to be" that the reality of how very true this is for my life right now hit me hard. 

I am meant to be the mom to the girls I am the mom - not off sailing the high seas.

I am meant to cooking & cleaning and doing laundry and tending to my husband and kids - not planning great parties in Key West for racers.

I am meant to be a woman of God - pursuing the things that are pleasing to Him, not pleasing to my self or the world. 

Amidst the chaos and trauma and rage and bruises and hospital visits and dressing changes and dog pee and IEP meetings and all the other "stuff" that makes up any given day, I am exactly where God wants me to be right now - right here in this moment. 

And I could not ask for more

All the glory goes to God - for I could not have ever imagined that this would be all I could ever ask for. His plans for me were so much bigger and better than my own! 

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.