LBK- Part 1

Recently, we marked 4 years since Grandma, Becky and I landed from China. We didn't do anything to celebrate this anniversary this year. I think we have passed that time for all of us. 

What I have been doing, however, is reflecting on some things - and there are a lot of things rolling around in my head - about older kids adoption, Christian Orphan Ministry, transformations of lives, marking milestones or not, and life changes. Trying to sort them out, I realize that the one thing they all have in common is - LBK...life before kids and then after. 

When you are expecting, people always tell you "how much your life is going to change" once the baby comes. They are usually talking about lack of sleep, a disorganized house and the now never ending stream of laundry that mysteriously appears. Every.single.day. A pound of new laundry. (But that's a post for a different day - after I am caught up on the laundry!)

It's the same, only different, when the child that appears is a little bit older and a lot more needy than even a newborn. 

All those same things change, but something else does as well. The face of your friends change. 

We have been immensely blessed by the friends God has brought into our lives during these past four years. What we have lost was replaced ten fold through His provisions.

You see - just when you seem to need the hands and feet of those advice dispensing friends to dispense more than just some well meaning advice and you need them to physically hold you up after you have two hours with a raging child and two more hours cleaning up the damage, they are conspicuous by their absence. 

You see, bringing home a trauma filled 4 or 10 year old isn't the same as bringing home a cuddly, sweet smelling 8 pound newborn. 

The same people that prayed your child home and marked the paper-chasing milestone and maybe even met you at the airport and brought a meal the first week (maybe), 3 months or 6 months later are over whelmed at your chaotic household and seemingly out of control children - and disappear.

It hurts, but to be honest, who has time to process one more additional issue. 

And then, you look around, and there stands friends who came, stayed through the ugly and never left you when you needed someone the most. 

Now this post is not intended to make those earlier referred to friends guilty, because quite frankly, there are a lot of days I wouldn't be around my house either if I didn't have to. I totally understand that most of our friends from our LBK  are in a very different stage of their lives - and it doesn't include 7 pm bedtimes, babysitters and last minute cancellations. I get it. So please, if you think you are one of those friends, I get it and this is not about you. I love you for who you were in my life and that time together. 

It is about how as some things are taken away, God replaces them for us in a way that fits exactly with His plan. I looked back on our blog posts from 4 years ago when we brought Becky home - and Carmi and Tara were faithful then and I still "talk" to them once a week on Tuesday bible study even though we are 3000 miles apart. God knew - and God provided. I expect that when I am struggling with teenage hormones, Carmi and Tara and the rest of those girls will still be there on Tuesday night. God knew! 

I am writing this because one of those friends recently moved 4 hours away, and another one is moving a 24 hour plane ride away in a few short weeks. I need to write this post to remind myself that no matter what, God will provide. He always does. Through the sadness of these friendships changing, I have to be able to see God's provisions and blessings. Grateful for what was given to me, not angry because it is changing. 

I need to remember that what worked in LBK doesn't necessarily work now - and that is ok. 

I need to remember that things change - and that is ok. Season change - it is a promise given to us by God. 

A time to cry and a time to laugh.

    A time to grieve and a time to dance.

⁵ 

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.

    A time to embrace and a time to turn away.

Thank you Lord, for those friends who have (and are) staying through the ugly when I needed them most. You provided through people unexpected and that might have been the greatest blessing of all.  


Now - the human side of me is going to go sit in the closet and curse South Africa for a little while.