" Mrs Yingling, do you have your adoption proof with you?"
"excuse me - my what?"
"your adoption paperwork so we can verify you are her mother"
What?????
Thus began the most ridiculous and insane hour I have ever spent.
It wasn't an insurance issue-they had in their hands the pre-authorization from Blue Cross, her insurance card and her medi-cal card and that verification.
It wasn't an id issue -they had my drivers license.
She had seen the referring doctor several times before.
No one seemed to care that if she has our last name and is on our insurance, the only way that can happen is if she is our legal child.
Even the woman sitting next to me asked them why they didn't ask all parents for proof if they were going to ask adoptive parents for it.
I finally had our agency fax the needed documentation. Off we go to pre-op, where the nurse practitioner's first question to me is " are you the adoptive mom?"
"no - I am the mom"
So what does "proof of mom" look like?
My sister summed it up great today -
"A mom is someone that loves unconditionally and wakes in the middle of the night to comfort their child from a nightmare and kisses their boo-boos."
How do you provide proof of that?
I am still stuck (and I admit, in rage) at why you had to prove that you are her parent. You had everything possible that any non-adoptive parent would provide in entering her child into a hospital for care. I CANNOT get past it. What was the person's reasoning in requesting the adoption papers? -- Jeanne Perez
ReplyDeleteI have been waiting for someone to ask me for that. So far so good. I figure it would be at the airport. But no you can take a kid on a plane that does not look like you and no one asks questions. No that is scary!
ReplyDeleteI have been asked this once for a first dentist visit for our son. I had already taken three of my other Chinese-born children there so they knew our family. I flat out refused to show anything and told the girl on the phone that she could not ask me for proof if they did not ask every other parent for proof. I told her if they kept insisting, I would take my business elsewhere. She put me on hold and then came back and apologized profusely. I guess someone straightened her out.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, when we travel and when we go to a *hospital* appointment for the first time with one of our children, I go ahead and bring papers just in case, especially when it's the ER.
Very frustrating, isn't it?
Oh man that would have BURNED me up, Karen!!!! I would have asked for her nursing license!!!!! I have NEVER been asked for such a thing. And yes, it is discriminatory to only ask adoptive parents!!!!
ReplyDeleteI have never had this happen so I can only say what I think I would say...and that is to ask them why they need that with all the other information I have?? It is odd to me that I have never been asked for anything that especially living in the south...Thanks to others who responded and who have given me additional good answers in the event I experience this.
ReplyDeleteI had the same thing happen & filed a complaint.
ReplyDeletegrrrr....dealing with the IRS and being sued for the adoption allowance for same thing! PROOF! Only ours is for proof that Jace is deaf in PA! Hello??? Wanna see him in person???
ReplyDeleteI'm waiting for that to happen, but so far so good.
ReplyDeleteYep, had that happen to me during pre-op paperwork. Intake person insisted I show proof of adoption. I insisted she show me the exact page in her procedures manual that required it. Guess what, she backed off.
ReplyDeleteKaren! I just contacted Angie Rylands to see how to get in touch with you...and am so thrilled to see your beautiful family together now. Your blog has moved me to tears, and this post above just reminds me that in the midst of the joy and love we are experiencing as adoptive families, Satan still makes moves to steal, kill and destroy. Being questioned for proof of motherhood is absurd, so absurd that I can see the enemy at work in the whole situation. Praise God for mommas like you though who love your children and will walk through the fire for them. It's so great to "catch up" with you!
ReplyDelete~Angie J.; Raimey's mom
www.bringingrooroohome.blogspot.com
Bonjour,
ReplyDeleteJe viens avec plaisir découvrir les photos de vos enfants et votre vie, je voulais vous dire que l'on voit nous aussi ici en France des énormités avec nos enfants adoptés. Alors courage...
La récompense est dans notre foyer chaque jour avec nos enfants à nos côtés.
Stéphanie heureuse maman de trois enfants dont la petite dernière adoptée en Haiti
Karen, my mouth is hanging. I cannot believe this! I think I would have lost it. I am glad I read this so I have some good ideas if this happens to me. Just statrted reading the blog, love it. Victoria from Fortune cookies.
ReplyDelete