Tonight at dinner, Cami got engaged in a conversation with Becky. I was involved with something else, but quickly dialed in when I heard "and then the older babies are made to stay at Maoming when the new babies come"...huh???
So I turned and said - "hey, I missed that - what are you talking about?"
and my 10 year old began to tell me how if the older kids cry and fuss and then the tummy mommies have a new baby, the older ones are sent to Maoming to live.
Wow-
So I asked her if this happened to any of her friends.
"Nope - it's just what I heard" she reported.
I asked if she thought this was her story.
"I don't think so - I think maybe it was because I got burned".
I then explained it might be because her tummy mommy couldn't get her the help she needed, and thought she might be able to get that at Maoming.
"Maybe" she replied
And I agreed "maybe - but we will probably never know for sure".
"Yep" she concurred.
This conversation should not, according to the "books" take place for another year or two. If ever. To say that I was shocked and surprised would be an understatement.
She has clearly been thinking about this recently - which may explain why she has been so dis -regulated.
Seems like Cami may be wise beyond her years here.
I am not really sure what to do with this conversation. I am so grateful that she is open to talking. As we continued on - I asked her another question, and she told me she was done talking about it. I was grateful that she knew when she had all she could handle and could articulate that. I am sad that she has carried this knowledge in her little heart.
Tonight - please pray for Cami and all the others that are wise beyond their precious baby years. For those that have lost their childhood. Who know too much for their tender hearts to handle.
Wow, that sounds like a reason for the dis-regulation to me as well. Praying for precious Cami and others who are thinking about these tough subjects and praying that they are able to talk them out and move on to a better place.
ReplyDeleteLove and blessings,
Carmi
How sad...and, how good at the same time. Does Cami know how she was burned? Does she remember living with her birthparents? Or, is that more than she is able to convey so far? It is sooo wonderful that you've given her a family to love and grow with, and, an opportunity to have some of the damage undone. What a blessing for her. I know it will prove to be a blessing for all of you, too. :)
ReplyDeleteRight now, Cami is saying that she does not remember her tummy mommy or daddy and does not know how she was burned.
DeleteThank you for that post. I do not know you personally but came upon your blog through a dear friend of mine. We adopted a little girl who is 9 years old this past year and we often have to pray for her as well for the same reason. These poor little girls know more and have experienced more in their short little lives than we may ever know or be able to understand. I will keep your sweet Cami in my prayers. Thank you for keeping your blog open for us readers who may not know you personally but are so very humbled and blessed by your willingness to openly share your stories. On more than one occasion I have been dealing with an adoption issue and you have posted something that has helped so much.
ReplyDeleteThank you - it warms my heart and encourages me to know that our trials are being used by God to support others.
DeleteOh, Karen. I am sad too that these are the things on the hearts and minds of our precious babies. Bless her sweet little heart. I am thankful that she is working through this now, though I am sure it has been very tough for all of you. Love you, friend! This will be a very powerful piece of her testimony, and yours! Tara
ReplyDeleteI'm confused...her initial comment "if the older kids cry and fuss and then the tummy mommies have a new baby, the older ones are sent to Maoming to live" does not sound like ANYTHING that I have heard before. I have always been under the impression that the younger ones were abandoned. I can only imagine this happening if the older one was a girl and the baby was a boy. Are you saying that her statement is accurate? Or do you think it is inaccurate kids gossip?
ReplyDeleteDoes she remember the fire? Was she the only one involved or did the birth-parents die in the fire and so she went to the orphanage? Is she afraid of fire? I watched my father on fire when I was 6 and I was traumatized and terrified of fire. (He is still alive but we almost lost him) I could not go near someone with a cigarette, a candle, anything that had a flame or was burning. I was 16 before I could light a match. Now, age 50, I am pretty much over it but still have a healthy respect of fire. Now that she has a better grasp of English she may need therapy.
There is a wonderful book - Message from an Unknown Chinese Mother - that addresses on a very deep and intimate level, some of the reasons that children are left. It can often be the older ones - if the second child was s on, or born to a step mother, or any other of a host of reasons. I do believe that this is accurate.
DeleteI would recommend this book to any parent of a china Adoptee -
http://www.amazon.com/Message-Chinese-Mother-Stories-Loss/dp/0701184027
We don't believe her burns are from a fire because of hte burn pattern. SHe is not afraid of fire. Our burn community is helping us understand the trauma surrounding burns - for both the survivor and the family.
I am so sorry to hear about you dad - I can not imagine.
Thanks, I will check it out.
DeleteGlad she is not afraid of fire. Does she remember anything about what happened?
Oh my dear precious Cami! I pray for the comfort of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit in her mind and heart. "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins". Keep loving her and our God will take care of the rest. Love you friend!
ReplyDeleteAlthough I never lived the life that Cami lived, I can tell you that I never begun healing from my internal wounds until I began to speak about them externally. The Lord has blessed Cami and the Yingling Family and has allowed her to begin her healing with people she trusts and loves early in her life, and this is a tremendous event, although painful to hear.
ReplyDelete~Uncle John
This is sad but it's great that she wants to talk about the sad things in her past. I adopted a 4 yo (she's 8 now) it's an open adoption, her father has drinking problems, she used to talk without problem about how he used to get drunk, she talked about that for a year then she simply stopped.
ReplyDeleteThe best thing we can do is just listen and tell them that's over and will never happen again but encourage them to keep talking as long as they need, they'll stop when they feel that's enough and it's not important anymore.
I would love to see a video of Cami, hear her speaking English.
Oh, that wisdom hits you in the gut! Our son thought he was burned by fire, but his paperwork said 'hot water' so we really don't know. He was told all sorts of things by the orphanage workers when he arrived back after 8 yrs in a foster home...he's not always sure who he should believe.
ReplyDeleteOur son talked a lot about things from the beginning and I realized later (from others) that it is unusual.